June 27, 2012 — Melinda Gates
EPISODE NUMBER: 8119 (June 27, 2012)
GUESTS: Melinda Gates
SEGMENTS: Mitt Romney’s Victory Retreat & Democrats’ Convention Deficit | National Geographic Poll on Alien Invasion Management | Blood in the Water - Mike Turzai’s Voter ID Remarks | Kraft’s Rainbow-Stuffed Gay Pride Oreo | Sign Off - Oreo Cookie Plate
SUIT REPORT: dark grey suit jacket | white dress shirt | red and black striped tie
VIDEOS: June 28, 2012
New word of the day: Homosnaxuals. (food with a gay agenda)
To start, Stephen wants to cuddle in your lap and stroke your hair, to which I say, PLEASE!
Mitt Romney’s Victory Retreat & Democrats’ Convention Deficit
Mitt Romney has raised more cash than Obama so he declared victory and held a party for his biggest donors. Meanwhile, the Democrats appear to be so poor they may not have a convention. One could only hope. Stephen, of course, saves the convention with change you can believe in.
“the man hasn’t been officially nominated yet and he’s declaring victory”
“No word yet on where Mitt will be hosting his smaller donors, but given the number of them, I’m guessing the back of a tandem bike.”
“It won’t be a disaster. The most stirring rally cry since FDR’s ‘we have nothing to fear but SNAKES!!!’”
I think he was doing Dr. Evil, right?
“If you can’t find the money, maybe a tip jar on the president’s desk that says, ‘change we can believe in”
National Geographic Poll on Alien Invasion Management
Obama has an online registry for people getting married. They can ask their guests to donate in lieu of gifts. Yeah. Well, I suppose if you are a really really hardcore Obama supporter and over 35 years old, maybe. I can’t see too many average young couples starting out saying, “We don’t want a toaster or down blankets or a trip to Barbados, or cash. Give that cash to the President who makes four times what we make combined.”
“That’s why Obama came out in support of gay marriage. Double the fund raising!”
Then it turns out Obama came out ahead of Romney in a survey from National geographic. He’s better as a leader if we are ever to be invaded by aliens. As in outer space aliens of the chest bursting variety.
“Obama came out in front in a survey from leading pollster and tribal boob archivist, National Geographic”
“Of course people said Obama, I’m pretty sure he’s a Vulcan”
“Remember all those ads from Hillary in 2008, questioning how Obama would handle that 3am phone call? What I want to know is how he would handle a 3am zombie apocalypse?”
Blood in the Water - Mike Turzai’s Voter ID Remarks
“Shark Shark Shark.. Shark Shark …Shark”
Rep. Mike Turzai said that with the new voter ID laws, Romney will now win Pennsylvania. Now PA doesn’t have any cases of voter fraud documented, but hey it could happen any day now! The sharks in the lamestream media are circling.
“Tonight’s chum du jour is PA House Majority leader and keeper of America’s strategic forehead reserve, Mike Turzai”
“No one tell Chris Matthews where babies come from. He still thinks his parents found him in a potato patch”
“Stop circling Turzai, sharks. He’s just trying to elect a great white” (shows Mitt Romney)
Kraft’s Rainbow-Stuffed Gay Pride Oreo
GOOD GOD!
A pic of an Oreo cookie with 6 layers of cream in the colors of the gay pride flag. Stephen now laments all the things he did with them in bed, splitting them open and licking their cream off, consensual double stuffing, the horror!!!
Now our food has to have partisan meaning. Twinkies, obviously! It’s in the name, plus “The mascot is a naked man in a cowboy hat.”
“Almond Joy’s got nuts, Mounds? Someone’s tucking!”
Life cereal? Now it’s Pro Life.
Water’s having a freaky three way with 2 hydrogen atoms and one Oxygen. “you better drop one of the H’s or I will start showering in Jack Daniels”
Melinda Gates
Melinda Gates came on to promote the Foundation and not take money from Stephen’s super PAC. (wink) She better get Bill on there. What’s his problem, eh? She was also promoting a new initiative, www.no-controversy.com, about letting women use contraceptives.
Stephen: I’m going to make you an offer and I don’t make this offer to anyone. I will take your money. I’ve got a c4…you give me 100million dollars and no one will ever know.
Melinda: That could be a problem for our work because we like to be very transparent about all the work we do with our partners all over the world.
Stephen: well no one will know that you aren’t being transparent because I’ll edit this out.
Melinda: That would be convenient.
Stephen: Is that a yes?
Melinda: No.
Stephen: Good because now we have plausible deniability that you said no, but you mean no right?
Melinda: I mean no.
Stephen: Good keep that up (wink)
Sign Off - Oreo Cookie Plate
Such great energy from the audience- they were so responsive that Stephen had to stop frequently and repeat things over the applause. Loved his visceral reaction to the Gay Pride Oreo. Any episode that creates the term “homosnaxual” is pretty stellar in my view.
It was nice to see Mrs. Gates again. Although no Stephen-and-Melinda initiatives this time around, she always has a lot going on and a lot to say, and I am interested to see what becomes of the Gates Foundation contraception initiative. I hope it helps a lot of under-served women throughout the world.
TIP OF THE HAT!
+1
[Reply]
The whole gay oreo thing was so hysterical I cannot even express. My favorite was the whole “coming out of the pantry” line.
TIP OF THE HAT!
+1
[Reply]