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EPISODE NUMBER: 8037 (January 3, 2012)
GUESTS: Senator Bernie Sanders
STAFF CAMEO: Peter Gwinn
SEGMENTS: Indecison 2012 - Iowa Caucus | Indecision 2012 - Iowa Caucus - Caucus-Goer’s Choice | Indecision 2012 - Megyn Shelly | Kim Jong Il in Memoriam | Sign Off: Megyn Shelly
SUIT REPORT: Navy suit | White shirt | Navy patterned tie
VIDEOS: Tuesday, January 3, 2012

I have to watch the show quietly, like many of you, because everyone is sleeping. It can be a challenge to watch TCR under these circumstances, particularly when Stephen is featuring the Report’s first invertebrate prognosticator, Megyn Shelly. I particularly enjoy the fact that she is clearly a tribute to Fox’s darling-pundit Megyn Kelly. And surprisingly accurate, as Iowa Caucus 2012 was the closest ever, with Romney just barely out corn-husking his field of opponents.

Of course we were all thrilled to see Stephen back, and even had a nice writer’s cameo in the Iowa Caucus-goer’s segment. After pledging allegiance to corn, breaking out Megyn, and honoring the Dear Father Leader Lil Kim Jong Il, the overall silliness settled down to a serious discussion with Sen. Bernie Sanders about the Citizens United decision, and the Senator’s efforts to make the decision a thing of the past.

It’s behoovy of the American members of the Nation to check out the Senator’s website and sign the petition in support of his constitutional amendment, the “Saving American Democracy” Amendment. As Stephen indicated, we should see “SAD” passed by May or so, wink, wink.

What did you think of the episode Hubsters? Comment away!

Quotables

From Indecison 2012 - Iowa Caucus:

It is great to be back. We are back, correct? Ok good. Just want to make sure, because I did not go anywhere. I have been behind this desk the entire time, shouting in the dark.

[The Iowa Caucauses] are the Super Bowl of old midwestern people in a high school gym sitting in folding chairs.

I am personally offended. Not for Iowa, ok? They are pig farmers, and it’s a miracle that their state flag is not a pair of overalls.

I am offended for corn. How dare Jon Huntsman insult America’s calorie pellet! All Americans do is eat corn, we consume it in all phases of matter, solid, liquid, Cool Ranch. At this point Americans are 98% corn, and if you are what you eat, then Corn is picking the next president of the United States, show it some respect.

Before the break, Iowa was a sure thing for Newt Gingrich, after it was a shoo-in for Herman Cain, a cinch for Rick Perry, money in the bank for Michele Bachmann, and gold bars sewn into a mattress for Ron Paul.

So imagine my surprise when the Rick Santorum stormed to the head of the third place.

A lot of people had counted Santorum out as unelectable, or at least ungooglable.

What exactly lifted Santorum above the froth?

Yes, fear the vest. In Iowa, that look is fierce. Plus, we all know throughout history electoral power has hinged on partial-covering torso clothing.

…an actual Iowa Caucus goer, or a “Caucasian”…..

I am still committed to making a definitive call on this race based on little or no evidence, leaving me only one surefire journalistic alternative: psychic invertebrates.

…unfortunately Paul died in 2010, our thoughts and lemon wedges are with him.

We will check in with Megyn….later this month.

From Kim Jong Il in Memoriam:

Whenever I take a break, major news hits, like Dick Cheney shooting a guy in the face, the Underwear Bomber scorching his gnards, Tiger Woods scorching his gnards.

But the even bigger news is a certain country has lost its Dear Leader, and I am not talking about the Elk that is currently ruling Canada.

For more, we go to North Korean state TV, Pyongyang’s government-mandated News Leader.

That’s right. Kim Jong Ill, is Kim Jong Dead.

But even though Kim Jon Il was my swown enemy, I do feel for the millions of North Koreans who are fulfilling the central government’s mandate to be grief stricken.

Interview Quotables

What were you trying to stop from happening when you shot off at the mouth for a third of a day?

They were trying to do a deal, and you said, “No deal! Bernie Sanders believes in stasis.”

Bernie Sanders: No Bernie Sanders believes that the middle class is collapsing, that working families need a break, that the wealthiest people are doing phenomenally well, and it is totally appropriate that they start paying their fair share of taxes.

(Audience erupts into cheers.) Thank you for cheering me, as a wealthy person.

Surely, by wealthy you mean job creator.

Sanders: Actually, if you look at the largest corporations, they have been outsourcing the jobs to China and other corporations.

I didn’t say where they were creating the jobs, sir.

Sanders: They are job creators, unfortunately not in America.

One of your bugaboos, if I may use that word on a family show, is the Citizens United decision.

Sanders: The absurd Citizens United decision.

Sanders: Between you and me, and everyone else in America, corporations are not people.

Yes they are.

Sanders: Exon Mobile, Bank of America, not the kind of guy you sit down and have a beer with. They don’t vote, they should not be allowed to spend unlimited, hundreds of millions of dollars collectively, on political campaigns without disclosure, this is a vicious attack on what American democracy is supposed to be about.

You basically want to curtail corporate civil rights? You want corporations to ride on the back of the bus, even if it’s a bus company.

Sanders: Corporations can have free speech, but they cannot buy elections. And that is basically what Citizens United is about.

Sanders: Citizens United is a very sad decision, one of the worst Supreme Court decisions ever made.

****
So the [SAD Act] just has to pass through both houses of Congress, and be ratified by 2/3rds of the states? So, by May?

Sanders: Absolutely, absolutely.