Colbert News Hub

EPISODE NUMBER: 7108 (August 17, 2011)
GUESTS: Jeff Bridges
SEGMENTS: | Colbert Super PAC – Rick Perry’s Treasurer |Tip/Wag – Evangelical Scientists and Rick Santorum
SUIT REPORT: Blue-gray suit | Soft blue-gray shirt | Deeper blue-gray tie (today was monochromatic day, me thinks)
VIDEOS: Wednesday, August 17, 2011

This evening the Dude came to abide at the Report, refreshing in his relaxed candor. It’s nice to have a guest on who is so distinctive in his laid-back approach to life, a little different from the highly specialized, intellectual, on-overdrive kind of guests we normally see on the show.

Ricky Parry continues to both torture and boggle my mind. Although I am keenly aware that he is the kind of candidate that is perfect for Colbert Super PAC’s targeted ads, his attempts to be so blatantly and recklessly arrogant in the face of the real political problems our country is grappling with are almost farcical.

I think after that ridiculousness, the Santorum-napkin riff in the Tip/Wag kind of lightened everything up, and we even got a slight character break out of it. It was also great to hear Stephen sing a little Peter Gabriel, lighting up the hearts of frat boys everywhere. Stephen has such a good voice, I wish he would use it more often.

If you were disappointed that Jeff Bridges couldn’t do the “Summers Eve’” voice over on the spot, never fear! The Colbert Report’s Web Exclusive is here! Sure to get you to (horizontally) smile. Also check out his additional performance of “Maybe I Missed the Point.”

What did you think of the episode? What did you think of Mr. Bridges’ forays into the musical world? Do share in the comments.

Quotabilia

-Let’s turn the governor’s collar up to 11.
-Any candidate can say the EPA is killing jobs, but only Parry goes the extra step, and says it while killing the environment with his idling bus.
-I recently had to fire my asbestos taster. It’s a shame, he really needs the health insurance.
-Oh, my God. They’d make him live in Houston.
-I think [Parry] likes me ba-ack! Exhibit A: Parry, the governor of Texas, announced his candidacy in Charleston, SC, right around the corner from my childhood home, obviously trying to get my attention. He might has well stood on my driveway with a boom box over his head.
-The point is, Rick Parry has taken sloppy seconds on my Treasurer, who knows everything about my operation, how much money I’ve raised, how much money these people down here have given me, and my password to adult friend finder.
-[The Rick Parry Campaign and Colbert Super PAC] are as separate as Church and State, in a Rick Parry administration.
-It’s comforting to know every time I sin, it’s really Eve’s fault. Boy, am I going to blame some stuff on you this weekend.
-No Adam and Eve, no apples, no tasteful leaf thongs?
-Which means I have been helping and forgiving people for nothing. This whole time I could have been banging my neighbor’s wife and punching lepers.
-Once you go Lakshmi, you never go backshmi.
-It is what it is. Napkins and paper towels are completely different things. It’s like comparing apples to larger, more absorbent apples.
-If you give napkins and paper towels equal status, you undermine the sanctity of the thing you use to pick up dog vomit.
-Just as marriage will always be heterosexual marriage, napkins will always be what they are: incredibly gay.
-And whenever I have ribs or something, I get as many [napkins] as I can get my hands on. I am such a slut!

Interview Quotables

-Hey, Man.
-It is relaxing just to look at you. I think I am getting a contact beard.
-You won that Oscar for playing the part of a grizzled, gravelly, bearded musician. You know it’s not a documentary, right?
-And the album is called Jeff Bridges, Jeff Bridges. Keep it simple.
——
SC: Do musicians have to suffer? Because your life seems pretty good.
Jeff Bridges: That’s right.
SC: Does that hold you back as an artist at all?
JB: Well, I find it might sometimes, that’s why I give myself Indian burns.
SC: That’s a rough life. You’ve really paid your dues.
——
SC: I have no plans of getting older, but you make this look attractive. …how did you nail this landing?
JB: My mother, whenever I would go off to work, would say to me, ‘have fun, and don’t take it too seriously.’ And that’s held me in pretty good stead.