April 6, 2016 – Anna Kendrick, Sam Rockwell, David Duchovny, Autolux

Episode GuideEPISODE NUMBER: Season 1, Episode 121 (Wednesday, April 6, 2016)
GUESTS: Anna Kendrick | Sam Rockwell | David Duchovny | Autolux
STAFF CAMEO(s): Liz Levin | Paul Mercurio | Michael Brumm
SEGMENTS: Monologue – Thanks A Lot, American Eagle | Department of Environmental, You’re Fired | Anna Kendrick & Sam Rockwell | David Duchovny | Unused Prop Theater | Autolux – “Soft Scene”
SUIT REPORT: Grey Suit | White Shirt | Black Striped Tie

Donald Trump Dept of Environmental on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

Donald Trump is going to save us from all the imaginary government institutions that pop into his head.

Did you guys enjoy the show last night? After all the excitement of Smooshed and Midnight Confessions, this was a less eventful episode, featuring lots of interview. Anna Kendrick is carrying on like an old friend of the show, marking her second appearance. It was nice also to have Sam Rockwell on, although I wish he would have danced! David Duchovny’s interview was delightfully silly, and I had no idea he was an Ivy-League brainy sort.

Once again, loved Liz Levin on for the on-air meeting. Stephen seems like a man who has a vision, has big ideas and doesn’t like to concern himself with the nitty gritty (aka the cost.) That’s what makes him so great. He also seems really stubborn though! Poor Liz was trying to get him to agree to think more fiscally when planning pieces, but Stephen was having none of it. He’s a star!

I will say, they should put that stuff on eBay and donate proceeds to charity. I am sure someone would buy that man-sized trike for $325. I mean, it’s New York.

Let us know what you thought of the show in the comments!

Monologue – Thanks A Lot, American Eagle

  • You folks make it so much to come out here every night. I do love doing this show. One thing about being on camera is that you have to care about how you look. So how do you think I look tonight? (Wild cheering) It was very nice of you to say. I would like to thank my hair and make up, and of course my entire team of spanx wranglers that lower me into my suits every night.
  • I have just normal insecurities. Which is why I was so happy to see a new ad campaign [for men’s lingerie line] by American Eagle Outfitters.
  • Damn right! It’s about damn time. The real me is sexy! This ad makes me feel so positive about my body I cancelled my gym membership 4 years ago. So it was comforting to know American Eagle was behind me, and liked what it saw back there. I felt good, I felt desirable! Until I found out the Arie Man campaign was just an April Fool’s joke.
  • That’s right, love your body the way it is. Ha ha! Just kidding. You’re hideous.
  • I demand that American Eagle send me an official notarized letter stating that you find *this* sexy. In fact, right now I am going to show you what a real man’s body looks like:

Stephen American Eagle Outfitters

  • and….this is as much of my body as I am comfortable showing in public! Especially after your muffin shaming!

Department of Environmental, You’re Fired

  • Speaking of deep shame, the 2016 Presidential election.
  • On the Democratic side the winner [of the WI primary] was, and let me just brace myself for your reaction (puts on headphones), Bernie Sanders. I’ll keep these [headphones] handy in case there is a story about One Direction reuniting to give out free pot.
  • People complain that Trump tends to talk big, but never comes up with any specific proposals. Well, on Monday, Trump put that criticism to bed by finally giving Republican voters concrete examples of government agencies he would eliminate.

Stephen and team come up with some great imaginary departments for the Donald to abolish when he ascends to the presidency:

  • Federal Bureau of Moneying
  • Department for the Farms
  • Bureau of Birds and Foxes
  • The Environmental Erection Agency
  • U.S. Steak Department
  • Department of the Inferior
  • U.S. Ghost Guard
  • Department of Justins
  • U.S. Mint Chocolate Chip
  • Deparment of Health & Human Centipedes

Unused Prop Theater

Liz Levin on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

Stephen experiences sticker shock reviewing costs of never-used props.

Y’all might recognize LSSC’s warm-up comic, Paul Mercurio in the motion capture suit in the first ever Unused Prop Theater. Michael Brumm is adorable and hilarious as a Human Hybrid Corn.

Unused Prop Theatre on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert