September 25, 2015 – Malala Yousafzai, Kerry Washington, The Arcs

Episode GuideEPISODE NUMBER: Season 1, Episode 14 (Friday, September 25, 2015)
GUESTS: Malala Yousafzai | Kerry Washington | The Arcs
STAFF CAMEO(S): Paul Dinello (as the Swiss Guard)
SEGMENTS: Monologue | In Case You Missed the Pope | Zip-A-Dee-Doo-BYE | Stephen Colbert’s All-Inclusive Wedding Cake Toppers | Malala Yousafzai | Kerry Washington | The Arcs – “Outta My Mind” | Pope Mobile Jump
SUIT REPORT: Dark Suit | White Shirt | Dark Blue/White Stripped Tie

Monologue

Stephen opened Friday nights show in usual fashion, but this time added a cardboard Pope cut out to the mix … only to spin it, drop it and ultimately throw it head first into a wall. Not to worry, it’s not like people are up that late watching the show anyway … oh wait! That was last night when Thursday Night Football bumped Stephen’s special Pope show back to 12:35am. Jokingly, Stephen said he will have to stop working so hard on Thursday’s, and to join him next week for his new segment, “Stephen Colbert Orders Take Out and Waits For It To Arrive”. To be honest, I wouldn’t mind watching him wait for take out.

Stephen also reminded folks that he will be co-hosting the Global Citizen Festival with Hugh Jackman, or as the tabloids call them “Hugh Jackman” – they’re really talking about both of them!

In Case You Missed the Pope

Two big events close to Stephen’s heart captivated New Yorker’s this week. The arrival of Pope Francis, a man Stephen would dearly love to meet and/or have on the show, and the release of the iPhone 6S, the divine being in most people’s lives, and likely something Stephen stole from Tim Cook when he was on the show last week.

  • Here in New York everyone is ecstatic about a visitor to these shores that is inspiring millions to weep tears of joy and devotion. I speak of course of the new iPhone 6S.
  • iPhone fans lined up at the Apple Store, as the Catholic faithful, lined up to see the Pope’s procession through Central Park.
Stephen Colbert on Pope Francis and iPhone 6S

It was hard to decide which object of worship you should line up for. I mean, they’re both pretty special, and both available in a protective case.

Zip-A-Dee-Doo-BYE

Stephen Colbert John Boehners resignation

The other big story dominating Friday’s news cycle, was the resignation of “Speaker of the House, Republican majority leader and hand tooled leather Congressman,” John Boehner. Who, clearly sadden by such a major decision, entered his press conference singing “Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah, Zip-A-Dee-A. My oh my, what a wonderful day.”

During his resignation statement to the caucus, Boehner also recited the ‘Prayer of St. Francis’ from the back of the pray card given to him by the D.C. Diocese on Thursday. Stephen read out the prayer for those of you who are unfamiliar with it:

“Oh thou, can take this job, and shove it.
I ain’t workin’ here no more.”

  • Boehner will officially remain in power in his position until October 30th. Cause the next day on Halloween, as always, he will go back to his job as the Great Pumpkin.

Stephen Colbert’s All-Inclusive Wedding Cake Toppers

Steve King You Can Marry My Lawnmower

bets on sports

Next, Stephen weighed in on the on-going gay marriage debate, and the controversial comments made by “Iowa Congressman, and freshly plucked owl, Steve King” and “former doctor, and future former candidate, Ben Carson”.

  • While introducing Mike Huckabee at a campaign event, just this summer, King criticised the Supreme Courts ruling that legalised gay marriage by claiming it means, “You can marry my lawnmower.”
  • Yes, the Supreme Courts decision was very clear. Marriage is between one man, and any other noun.
  • I’m not surprised. My college roommate was in a common law marriage with a tube sock.

Ben Carson took his criticism of gay marriage a step further, stating that “If same sex couples are allowed to marry, then more groups will also want the right to marry.”

  • You know, the ones who turn up every year, for that other groups pride parade.
  • The problem is, you’ve got people who don’t want to issue the marriage licenses, or bake cakes for gay couples. So who’s going to provide party planning for Steve King’s nightmare marriage scenarios? I will.
Stephen Colbert's All Inclusive Wedding Toppers

Here at Stephen Colbert’s “All Inclusive Wedding Cake Toppers,” we provide wedding cake figurines for any marriage imaginable.

Interview — Malala Yousafzai

Malala Yousafzai on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

After addressing the United Nations, Malala Yousafzai stopped by the Late Show to discuss her foundation the Malala Fund, the new documentary ‘He Named Me Malala’, and her continuous efforts to advocate for women’s education around the world. Wise beyond her years, Malala spoke about how she cultivated forgiveness in her heart for the men who attacked, saying:

“I think of the world as a happy place. And I believe that I should treat others the way I want them to treat me. I want everyone to be kind to me, to love me, to take care of me, to forgive me if I do something bad. And that’s what I have chosen in my mind: I have forgiven them. I’m hopeful that they will change. It’s not just them, but many other people who are picking up guns and telling them, ‘Put down your guns and try to do things in a peaceful way.'”

Interview — Kerry Washington

Kerry Washington on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

Next up, Stephen welcomes fellow Global Citizen Festival co-host and “Scandal” star, Kerry Washington. After co-coordinating their outfits for tomorrows big event, Kerry spoke of about the issue that interests her most about Global Citizen, which is empowering women all over the world.

The topic of conversation then moved on to the television series, “Scandal” (ABC) in which Washington plays a D.C. fixer, and her upcoming role as Anita Hill in “Confirmation” (HBO). But perhaps more interestingly, and even more so refreshingly, was seeing a talk show host in Stephen who wouldn’t settle for an actors favourite go to answer, “You’ll have to watch it and find out”. Yes, I am sure Stephen and the rest of us will get around to watching whatever “it” is, but for now, Stephen isn’t afraid to ask a follow-up question or to keep pushing until a guest at least gives a well structured, yet elusive response. Something, is better than nothing, I suppose.

I, for one, sincerely hope that Stephen continues this line of questioning, because guests have been allowed to stick “watch it and see” as a valid answer for far too long now.

The Late Show with Stephen Colbert Pope Mobile