March 24, 2014 – Bryan Cranston

The Colbert Report episode guide EPISODE NUMBER: 10078 (March 24, 2014)
GUESTS: Bryan Cranston
SEGMENTS: Back From Spring Break | Better Know a District – North Carolina’s 1st – G.K. Butterfield | Malaysia Airlines’s Missing Plane | Bryan Cranston | Sign Off – Goodnight
SUIT REPORT: Dark Pin Striped Suit | White Shirt | Purple Striped Tie
VIDEOS: Monday, March 24, 2014

Back From Spring Break

Stephen returned from Spring Break after a hush hush undercover operation to find out if the bottomless drinks at Aruba’s Senor Frog’s are really bottomless.

Stephen Colbert at Senor Frogs

  • I wanted to find out if their bottomless margarita is really bottomless and they aren’t and I know because I hit rock bottom.

Better Know a District – North Carolina’s 1st – G.K. Butterfield

Stephen went to his northern neighbor for the next BKAD, with G.K. Butterfield, a man who is a champion of civil rights. He started by gnawing on a little chew from the tarheel state.

Stephen Colbert chewing tobacco

“I am detecting notes of oak, a little leather and a decaying jawbone.”

  • I’m going to add that to my “chaw juice” or as they call it in North Carolina, barbecue sauce.

Someday I am going to stop in North Carolina and try their BBQ to see if it really is as bad as Stephen says.

Stephen was surprised when he was expecting to see a black representative and he sat down to see this man:

GK ButterfieldHe is light skinned and as he says, “we come in all shades”.

NC BBQStephen really loves to stick it to the tarheels about their BBQ sauce. At first I thought the NC barbecue was those Steak-Umms. Yeah, I don’t know which is worse, actually, Steak-Umms or shredded cardboard.

Malaysia Airlines’s Missing Plane

Stephen sent thoughts and prayers to the families of the airplane who found out that the plane went down in the Indian Ocean. The Malaysian authorities notified all the families via text message.

  • Yes, text message because Snapchat would be insensitive.

Even though CNN did nothing but speculate about what happened to the airliner, their ratings doubled among viewers 25-54, during the coverage.

  • [This] drew a lot of criticism from Fox News, whose ratings doubled among viewers aged 25 + 54.

Bill Hemmer from Fox News said that “It took us 100 years to find the Titanic, took us 2,000 years to find Noah’s ark…” Yeah, that’s right Bill. It took us 100 years to find the Titanic. Right, because we found it 2 years ago, eh?

Oh and Bill, (whispering) we never found Noah’s ark.

  • Yeah, I mean we all remember where we were when they found Noah’s ark. It’s…over there where they found it. Remember… they covered… a huge story!
  • Bill knows how tough a search like this can be, I mean it took him three months just to find Waldo.

Stephen Colbert on Malaysian Airlines

Interview – Bryan Cranston

Bryan Cranston on The Colbert ReportBryan hasn’t been on the show since he and Stephen did roller disco to “Get Lucky”.

Stephen: Why do a play after being a huge TV star?

Bryan: It’s all about the writing and the character, this character is Shakespearean, he’s like King Lear, he’s huge.

Stephen: He’s President Lear.

Bryan: He’s President Lear, he’s like the Godzilla of Presidents.

Bryan talks about how to act as President Johnson without just doing an impression of him and when he asks Stephen if he knows what that’s like, Stephen just shakes his head no. It would appear that Bryan momentarily forgot that Stephen is in character.

Bryan: He had a pet name for his Johnson. His Johnson’s Johnson, he called it “Jumbo” and apparently it was aptly named.

Stephen: Could he pick up peanuts with that thing?

picking up peanutsStephen: You could’ve made Hubert Humphrey, the Vice President, you could’ve made him Jesse Pinkman. I wouldn’t mind having him yell at the Speaker of the House…