May 8, 2013 – Dr. Richard Besser

The Colbert Report episode recapEPISODE NUMBER: 9099 (May 8, 2013)
GUEST: Dr. Richard Besser
SEGMENTS: Intro – 5/8/13 | South Carolina Election Results | Spiteful Partisanship | Going Diaperless | Sign Off – Helium Voice
SUIT REPORT: Dark Pin Stripped Suit | White Shirt | Red Checked Tie
VIDEOS: Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Bi-Parting Ways

How do you self energy-efficient light bulbs to Conservatives? Try putting a trigger on it.

Mark Sanford is Stephen Colberts sister

Mark Sanford beat my sister, and I believe that means Mark Sanford is now my sister. And on behalf of my family, I want to say we are deeply sorry about him.

Stephen Colbert is from North Carolina

I feel so betrayed by South Carolina!If they’re gonna turn their backs on my family, I’m turning my back on them. From now on – and I never thought I would ever say this – I … am from North Carolina. I’m a Tar Heel now. Whatever the f*** that means.

North Carolina BBQ Sauce

I know officially love North Carolina’s sauce less, vinegar based, meat product that they barbeque.

Stephen Colbert drinks mustard

Cardboard Nancy Pelosi

Did she hold to o few debates against a cardboard Nancy Pelosi?

Harry Reid saddle bag

And could it be, that I have lied about candidates I disagree with? Like that time I said that Harry Reid is just a leather saddle bag brought to life by a Navaho Shaman.

The House spent all last week debating whether they were deadlocked or gridlocked

The House spent all last week debating whether they were deadlocked or gridlocked. Until they finally reached a stalemate.

Stephen Colbert on helium

You can’t pass a helium bill by voice vote, it would be embarrassing.

Liberal light bulb

Of course they’re not going to buy it, it’s Liberal light bulb. They’ll want to screw it in before they’re married to it.

Obama Tampons

I may be a man, but I will buy a box of tampons if the box features a crying Barack Obama. He’s sad because all the hormones in the water supply now make me menstruate.

Colbert on helium

Integrity.

Maybe it’s time everybody out there stops basing every decision you make on party affiliation and instead admit that every once in a while you might agree with the other side.

Maybe it’s time everybody out there stops basing every decision you make on party affiliation and instead admit that every once in a while you might agree with the other side.

The liberal gluten-free agenda is turning our dogs lesbian

The liberal gluten-free agenda is turning our dogs lesbian.

Diaperless babies

Nothing makes you feel more in touch with your babies intimate most functions, than scrapping it out of your shoes.

letting your baby drop some heat in the sink

Also letting your baby drop some heat in the sink, is a great way to get the lady’s room to yourself at Barnes & Noble.

Yabba-dabba-wha

Are you telling me Fred Flintstones is lying to me? Yabba-dabba-wha?

Stephen Colbert balloon

Goodnight