December 14, 2011 — Gen. Raymond Odierno

The Colbert Report Episode Guide EPISODE NUMBER: 8035 (December 14, 2011)
GUESTS: Gen. Raymond Odierno
SEGMENTS: Stephen Colbert’s South Carolina Serious, Classy debate – Nat Geo Wild’s Response | Christine O’Donnell’s Endorsement | Stephen Colbert’s Big Gay Roundup – Military Bestiality & Homosexual Penguins | TV Hat | Ray Odierno & Stephen Colbert – “I’ll Be Home for Christmas”
SUIT REPORT: Dark suit | White shirt | Dark blue with white polka dot tie
VIDEOS: Wednesday, December 14, 2011

What a fantastic episode. I don’t know where to start. The set looks so beautiful for Christmas. It was wonderful to see Gen. Odierno again. It was over a year ago that he was last on and it seems like it was a couple months ago.

I’m wishing I had cable TV so I could see the Serious, Classy Republican debate on Nat Geo Wild. I’m personally glad that Edible Arrangement was mostly chocolate and strawberries. Stephen’s right, no melons.

Why is Christine O’Donnell allowed out? As Stephen said, why did she lose? I think my brain was permanently damaged from banging it against the wall after her ridiculous statement about ‘being consistent after changing his mind’. Can she hear herself?

How great was the “Big Gay Roundup” with Steve Carell’s opening credits? Also, when are they going to start making “The Carell Corral”? Just sayin’!

I can’t understand why Michele Bachmann is not doing better in the polls. Everyone is concerned about bestiality in the military, right?

The TV hat. Yeah. I know this kind of thing has been on the drawing board for awhile. It’s finally out. I’m sure it will take off. How can you go wrong being out and about without being able to see anything that’s going on around you? and why is it these types of products make you look so ridiculous? I think that’s the real intention behind it.

I just about had a heart attack when Odierno said he was going to shave Stephen’s head. I was half expecting Obama to appear on the screen. It was nice that Stephen did it for the troops in ’09, but once was enough. It was really sweet of Gen. Odierno to sing for the troops. I don’t know if he’s going to get a recording contract anytime soon, but as he said, he’s got a job.

Also, has anyone else noticed that Stephen’s name at the end has gotten longer, once again? It is now, “The Rev. Sir Dr. Stephen T. Colbert Mos Def, DFA”

edible flowers

Nat Geo Wild

Memorable Quotes:

*Bar none, home to the cutest baby sloths on TV, makes the baby sloths on the Discovery Channel look like hookers.

*It’s National Geographic gone wild. You throw beads, a reesus monkey shows you her teats.

*My co-host the Dog Whisperer. Without a doubt, the #1 guy who talks most quietly to dogs. Rick Perry goes off topic, he gets a ‘tsst’.

*Mitt Romney is back in it. Christine O’Donnell’s endorsement will cast a spell over primary voters.

*This endorsement proves she is not a witch, because a witch would’ve gone for the eye of Newt.

*We still don’t know who Rick Santorum is endorsing. I’m sorry, what’s that? He’s still running? Really? So he’s probably endorsing himself. That’s gotta hurt.

*Is he in the pocket of big kangaroo? I think you know what I’m talking about.

*Where’s my bullwhip? Let’s be consistent with our theme.

*I know I’m human straight, but am I penguin gay? NO wonder I booked Elijah Wood to talk about his movie ‘Happy Feet two’, and we had a swordfight!

*HA HA, oh that Malcolm is in the middle again!

*This Christmas remember TV hat, buy one for yourself and buy one for someone you love, to ignore.

*STEPHEN: Your nickname at West Point was Rapunzel, wasn’t it?

*GEN. ODIERNO: Didn’t we make a bet that when we finally come home from Iraq, that you would let me shave your head one more time?

*STEPHEN: NO WE DID NOT! Unless the president is about to appear on that screen behind you, with all due respect, you can go to hell.