May 30

Better Know a Guest: May 31 – June 3, 2011 (Inaugural Edition)

The Colbert Report Guest Line UpWelcome to Better Know a Guest, your weekly guide to the wonderful and diverse array of personalities appearing on ‘The Late Show with Stephen Colbert’ each week.

Hello… Hubsters? Hubbles? The Hub? My HUmBle friends of the HUmBle host?—

Welcome back, Sailor Stephen—and welcome to our new COLBERT NEWS HUB blog, freshly launched post-Memorial Day . While we can never replace our beloved No Fact Zone, I think we will find our own special path as the blog develops, and most important, that we can continue to supply you with the latest Colbert news and a space for discussing our favorite comedy host.

“Better Know a Guest” is of course very similar to the Fantasy Colbert League, but there will be some differences. No regular “fracts” for one, unless some really unusual tidbit pops up. It will generally be shorter, and I’m going to take official websites, twitter links, trailers, and book links and list them together after a brief bio. Plus, since Stephen’s fans tend to love Jon (as Stephen himself does), there will also be a section at the end of the weekly post called “And Now, Let’s Check In With Our Good Friend, Jon Stewart,” which will list his guests with a link or two. But things are in a state of transformation and flux right now, so if there’s anything  about our guests that I’m not including and that you’d like to see, just let me know! I’m eager to have this section evolve.

This is a short week, and it opens with a guest whose recent visit was postponed. For him, I’m using the same bio I wrote for the FCL. I think it makes a bittersweet transition from the old to the new.

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May 29

“Spirit of Juno” Finishes Second in the Charleston to Bermuda Race.

Our intrepid sailer returned to dry land during the early hours of Saturday morning. Despite being a little bit frazzled, Stephen managed to stop for this brief interview with Shelly Warters from Ondeck Sailing … and no doubt to tease the fangirls with his scruffy beard!!

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May 28

Tucana First To Finish 2011 Charleston to Bermuda Race

To the swift go the spoils, or so the saying goes, and the Shipman 63 Tucana – with her Charleston-based crew – was nothing if not swift, at least she was for much of this 777-mile race. Sailing under full main and genoa, she crossed the finish line just East of St. Georges’ Channel around 8pm EDT this evening. Her official time will be posted tomorrow.


Despite their elation about finishing first overall in this contest, Hank Hofford, Susan Ford and the rest of Tucana’s crew won’t really relax until they learn the finish time of the OnDeck Farr 65 Spirit of Juno, their closest rival on the course. With a Performance Handicap Racing Fleet rating (PHRF) of -54 (Juno rates -33), Tucana must give her rival 21 seconds per mile. The race officials will multiply those 21 seconds by the course length to determine the margin by which Tucana must finish in front of Juno in order to beat her. Rough calculations indicate that Juno has to finish within four and a half hours of Tucana in order to secure victory. As of the 9:00 p.m. position update, the Spirit of Juno was still 36 miles from the finish, moving at only 4.5 knots. In the words of Lenny Kravitz, “It ain’t over ‘til it’s over.”


May 27

Stephen Colbert Checks into Race Headquarters as Light Winds Set In

Colbert’s Report: The 2011 Charleston Bermuda Race

“Wednesday, 5:04 p.m. “180 miles off Bermuda. First of all, would someone please call the Hamilton Fairmont and cancel Stephen’s massage for tomorrow morning? Thanks a bunch. In the last 48 hours we’ve seen sperm whales breaching, a family of dolphins playing in our bow wake, devil rays, and Man O’ War. Now we are alone. A speck of white moving over and under fields of endless blue. Winds are light and variable. We have put up our Audi spinnaker (which is roughly the size of Denmark), and we crawl toward glory at the blistering pace of 4 knots. And by blistering, we mean what’s happening to our skin in the merciless rays of the sun.”

“In these conditions, it is more important than ever to keep up your fluid intake, or else suffer the serious effects of dehydration: fatigue, dizziness, and hallucinations. Thankfully, so far…Spiders! Spiders everywhere! They’re coming out of the sails! Kill them with fire!”

The Spirit of Juno

P.S. Did that Rapture thing happen last Saturday? You know what, don’t tell us. We’ve got it TiVOed.

May 27

Charleston to Bermuda Race Update: “Spirit of Juno” Takes the Lead for the First Time

It’s official. After five days of racing, the leader of Colbert Nation is now out in front for the first time. Stephen Colbert, renowned star of Comedy Central’s “The Colbert Report,” and his crew of friends on board the chartered OnDeck Farr 65 Spirit of Juno, edged their way to the front of the 11-boat fleet this afternoon. Colbert and company benefitted from stronger breezes due to their more northerly position on the race course, while just to the south, the erstwhile leader – Hank Hofford and Susan Ford on board the Shipman 63 Tucana – found themselves slowing down in very light winds.

Moving into the No. 1 position has been a long time coming for Colbert, who proclaimed himself to be the “greatest sailor in the world” in Sailing World magazine’s May issue. After his yacht was the last to cross the starting line on Saturday, it looked as though Juno’s fate would be to follow Tucana all the way to Bermuda. But the crew aboard Juno has been nothing if not persistent, and their determination finally paid off today.

Out on this sector of the North Atlantic, the wind speeds stayed relatively steady throughout the day until mid afternoon. During that time, the wind direction was moving around from the southwest to the east, meaning that the competitors in this biennial race to Bermuda would now have to contend with headwinds. It appears that Tucana was the first one of the 11 to experience this shift because she began slowing down as of the 3:00 p.m. position report and made one distinct course alteration.

As an additional consequence of this shift in the winds, the majority of the fleet is now much closer together than it was at this time yesterday. As of 5:00 p.m. this evening, five of the 11 entries were within a 250-square-mile area, with the two Shipman 63s (Tucana and Vladimir Zinchenko’s Yanosha) were sailing virtually neck-and-neck.

Source: Charles to Bermuda.