EPISODE NUMBER: Season 1, Episode 21 (Tuesday, October 6, 2015)
GUESTS: Bill Clinton | Billy Eichner | Florence and the Machine
SEGMENTS: Why, McDonald’s, WHY? | Stephen Colbert’s Pander Express | Bill Clinton | Vaping is So Hot Right Now | Bill Eichner | Florence and the Machine – “What Kind of Man”
SUIT REPORT: Blue Suit | White Shirt | Blue Tie
Stephen admits to being “rocked to the core” over learning the latest news on worldwide restaurant chain McDonald’s now serving breakfast all-day long.
“The Egg McMuffin will be available all day? You may as well tear up the history book and live in a cave – nothing matters anymore. Breakfast for dinner? Pancakes at dusk – someone needs counseling.”
With that being said, he vows to “deliver this show within an hour or less, or it’s free”.
Stephen Colbert’s Pander Express
Stephen admitted that he went to see the new Matt Damon hit, The Martian, over the weekend and loved it. He hilariously added that everyone saw the movie portraying ‘a stranded man eating his own poop potatoes’. The movie very well did 100 million in its opening weekend. About $2 million of the sales were from him buying popcorn and Junior Mints alone.
The movie was bound to do well in Chinese markets due to their presence in the film based on some of the filming locations. The Chinese space program ‘plays a major role in the film, a plot point in which should attract crowds in the People’s Republic.’ After the US/Canada (North America), China holds the next highest rankings in box office revenues.
“Nin hao, and welcome to Pander Express – my long running first attempt to suck up to the Chinese censors.”
In this hilarious segment, he brings up infamous tid-bits of Chinese culture in hopes to get some Chinese airtime. He later decides to feast on a delicatessen known as lamb face salad.
“Mmmm mmm mmm – that is face… it’s the meal that chews you back.”
In attempts to target the key demographic of Chinese millennials, he urges them to tweet him using the hashtag reference #Filialpietyisthechiefofallvirtues and promises to read them if Twitter is ever allowed in the country. He then gives congratulations to their space program who have “discovered a black hole so large, that is has challenged humanity’s understanding of how they form and yet it would still be easier to escape than America’s debt to China.”
He then indulges in ‘more tingly lamb face’, to which he begins to get strangled, and is saved by none other than a Chinese astronaut/doctor hybrid.
Interview — Bill Clinton
Kicking off the first interview of the evening, Stephen welcomes out former 42nd President of the United States, Bill Clinton. Upon coming out, Bill offered kind regards to Jon Batiste whom he had met and also when complimenting the studio set, said that ‘he bet even the Pope didn’t have his own stained glass windows.’
Clinton and Colbert discussed the Clinton Global Initiative, a meeting which was held to discuss refugee issues in Syria. Other topics centered around sustainability throughout our world – taking 100 million people out of poverty over the next ten years. Within reasonable measures, he wants to be sure that over those years additional provisions are distributed to the poor – including clean water, cooking stoves and proper sanitation. They went further into discussing about private public partnerships and their effectiveness in our society.
A big question for Bill for the evening was somewhat of the obvious – asking him who he was going to pull for in the upcoming 2016 election (stressing that he be impartial here if possible). He went further to add that the reason we tend to have gridlock in our political system is because the democratic vote is only strong for the presidential election versus the other votes within the house, senate, etc. which are imperative to also have in order to smoothly run a more democratic driven leadership government. He stressed that democrats have to vote more frequently than just during these elections ever four years.
He gave Stephen and the viewers some insight on Hillary’s ideas, as well as thoughts on Bernie Sanders and comments on his pleasant phone conversation with Donald Trump.
Vaping is So Hot Right Now
Stephen notes that there are a lot of skills necessary for his job, but perhaps the most important one is spotting trends. Another booming trend is that of the new way of smoking via electronic ‘vaping’. Studies estimate that a total of ten percent of American adults now use this method of tobacco consumption, and the market has already generated sales around the $6 billion dollar mark. He mentions that this trend could ‘lead to ads to everyone on TV – Skittles Vapes… Huff the Rainbow.’
The problem with this growing trend is what we don’t know about e-cigarettes and vaping, as far as long-term effects on our health. It could be cancer, or as Colbert thinks optimistically, could be laser vision!
Interview — Billy Eichner
Stephen sits down with the man who constantly makes people uncomfortable, Billy Eichner. He is known for his reality stunts and running throughout the city of Manhattan approaching people on a regular basis offering them cash for doing stunts, etc. Stephen asked him if he has ever been physically harmed by anyone he has approached, which he admitted to being slapped by an old lady during the show’s YouTube era.
Billy is known for making fun of celebrities, but the truth is he loves them and is obsessed with pop-culture. Stephen asks him if he would make fun of himself which he admits to often doing this. He says “you kind of have to, it’s like the old Joan Rivers rule – where you have to be self-deprecating, you have to make fun of yourself and then you can make fun of everyone.” Stephen asks him if he’s ever picked on him, and he says no, but on his other show ‘Difficult People’ on hulu, one of his writers said “Stephen Colbert is so smart he has to at least be Bi.”
Stephen: I cannot honestly say that I deserve that compliment, but I take it as such.
Billy: Maybe tonight’s the night, Stephen.
Stephen: You never know, life is full of surprises.