EPISODE NUMBER: 10146 (September 2, 2014)
GUESTS: Mandy Patinkin | Norm Stamper
SEGMENTS: Celebrity Nude Photo Scandal | Police Militarization in America | Police Militarization in America – Norm Stamper | Good News for Sleep-Deprived Teens | Mandy Patinkin | Sign Off – Goodnight
SUIT REPORT: Black Striped Suit | Powdery Blue Shirt | Spotted Grey Tie
VIDEOS: Monday, September 2, 2014
Shout out to our friends over at ROGUE NATION:
New opening word:
Celebrity Nude Photo Scandal
I thought for sure when I saw a clip entitled Celebrity Nude Photo Scandal, there would be some graphics involving a Photoshopped Stephen. DENIED! Life goes on, though.
Also, I wonder how many more hits HuffPo’s “Sideboob” page got after last night’s show…
Also, there’s a HuffPo “Sideboob” page.
The story, I believe, was broken by 14 year-old Benjamin Pearlman…who has diligently spent the last year googling the phrase, “Kate Upton naked”. Great Investigative work, Benjamin. I’d like to shake your hand. On second thought “thumbs up”.
It’s possible the celebrities had easy to guess passwords rather than stronger passphrases…such as 1 day I ate 364 bananas and 13 cherry pies. It’s pretty easy to guess which celebrity had that password. (Photo of cookie monster) He is no stranger to nude photos. I have not seen one picture of him wearing clothes.
Police Militarization in America
Jake Tapper did a report from Ferguson MO, when the armed and militarized police were standing waiting while apparently nothing threatening was going on.
- Jake (from CNN live report): Why they’re doing this…I don’t know. Because there is no threat going on here that merits this scene out of Bagram. What is this? This doesn’t make any sense.
- Stephen: Now Jake’s a friend so it is with the greatest respect that I say, you’re an idiot.
9/11 showed us just how vulnerable we are to violent attacks. That’s why today I live in a gated community with a fence no terrorist could possible breach, unless they somehow acquire stool technology.
The same security cameras in Times Square are used at a lighthouse in Nebraska. Wait, Nebraska has a lighthouse?
- Stephen: The historic Lake Minatare lighthouse will never stop shining. Wait, it’s not a functioning lighthouse? YOU WIN THIS ROUND BIN LADEN!
Places like Keene NH have gotten armored vehicles. They said they need it for the events in Keene. I’ve been to Keene. They don’t need it.
- Stephen: Keene hosts several large public functions to include an annual pumpkin festival. It’s definitely a target. We’re talking about America’s Premier Pumpkin Festival. Need Proof? Name another one.
Police Militarization in America – Norm Stamper
Mr. Stamper was the police chief in Seattle when the police gassed non-violent protesters at the WTO conference and he regrets having done that.
Stephen: You have called that the worst mistake of your career. Is that because there are so many other weapons you could have used?
Mr. Stamper doesn’t think the militarization of police is necessary for a non-violent situation.
Stephen: They smashed the windows of a Starbucks.
Norm: They did more than that. They actually took coffee from that store, in Seattle.
Stephen: I believe a venti is grand theft.
Norm: It began with the drug war.
Stephen: Okay, how do we fix that then?
Norm: We end the drug war, we end it yesterday.
Stephen: Mr. Stamper are you high?
Stephen: I’m not wearing a wire, you can tell me.
Mr. Stamper believes that if you get together with your community and talk about it, that can help avoid police overstepping their bounds.
Good News for Sleep-Deprived Teens
It’s back to school time which means parents are shelling out good money for a 5 seconds of Summer backpack even though the One Direction backpack from last year is still perfectly good goddammit!
What is 5 Seconds of Summer?
So onward, I so wish this had been in effect when I was in high school. There was a study that says teens need 9 hours of sleep and having them wake up early to go to school is hard on their health. As someone whose high school started at 6:55am, I say go for it. Make it later.
- When I was a kid school was hard. We had to get up at the crack of dawn and walk to school uphill both ways. What do you expect when you went to MC Escher High?
The study was from The American Academy of Pediatrics.
- Nice try kids, you almost had me. Usually when you fake notes, you have your doctor’s signature. This you made up a whole academy. What’s next, The National Organization for Thigh Burn Awareness recommends no more rope climbing in gym class?
The new season of Homeland starts on October 5.
Mandy:I have an antidote for it all, I have a solution that I’ve come up with…and I’d like to know if you’d be interested in joining me.
Stephen:Yes, I will join you in whatever the answer is.
Mandy: Given the state of the world and it’s epicenter which I feel is the Middle East…
Stephen:I don’t have to go to the Middle East, do I?
Mandy announced he wants to be the prime minister of Israel. He wants Stephen to be security advisor because of his “right wing” point of view.
Mandy:There are still people I meet in South Africa who wish Apartheid was still in place, maybe you’re one of them.
Stephen:I am not one of them, don’t you dare, don’t you dare say I am pro-Apartheid. I’m just sayin’ I’m just for whatever works.
Stephen quickly finds out Mandy could possibly be part of the Blame America first crowd.
Stephen:Are you part of the Blame America crowd?
Mandy:I’m a little concerned with some of America’s policies in some instances.
Stephen:Oh really? Really?
Later, though Stephen found out Mandy can be a very calming presence. He asks Mandy to tell a worried world, in a calming tone, but without knowing if it’s really true…
There There. Everything… will be… okay