February 25, 2014 – St. Vincent

The Colbert Report episode guide EPISODE NUMBER: 10068 (February 25, 2014)
GUESTS: St. Vincent
SEGMENTS: The Huffington Post on the Past Lives of Children | Outrage over Military Budget Cuts | The Word – Jobsolete | Consumers for Paper Options | St. Vincent | St. Vincent – “Digital Witness”
EXCLUSIVE: St. Vincent – “Birth in Reverse”
SUIT REPORT: Dark Suit | Violet Shirt | Purple Stripped Tie
VIDEOS: Tuesday, February 25, 2014

The Huffington Post on the Past Lives of Children

Children reincarnated as Hitler

  • […] Breaking news from ‘The Huffington Post’. Was your kid Hitler in a past life? It’s the kind of Huff Po feature that leads to the question, “Will journalism exist in a future life.”
  • Just because this kids parents think he was Hitler in a past life, doesn’t mean you should give up hope for your child. Consider this, Hitler was an artist. Has your child ever coloured with crayons? Does he sometimes have trouble getting along with others? Does he blame his early bedtime on a global Jewish conspiracy? If so, I am not saying that your child is Hitler, I am saying that he might have been Hitler.

Outrage over Military Budget Cuts

“New concerns today about America’s military readiness. […] The administration decided to slash America’s military, raising major concerns about US national security. […] Growing outrage over the administration’s proposal to cut our military to levels that have not been seen since World War II. […] Devastating cuts to our military. Could this move by the Obama administration now put your security at risk?”

  • Nation, I am terrified. I hope that budget includes funding for new pant because mine just had a dishonourable discharge.
  • How is America going to defend itself after these cuts? I mean, what’s left to our budget? Anything?

“It is important to note here that our military still has a budget bigger than the next ten military budget in the world combined.”

  • Only ten? But what if we want to invade eleven countries?

The Colbert Report on America's military budget

  • Hagel has evidently forgotten the hard lessons we learned from fighting Tojo and your son.

The Word – Jobsolete

The Word Jobsolete

  • There are those out there who say that the only things America manufactures any more are easy cheese and people who think they’re allergic to gluten.

Don’t forget meth!

  • But folks, they are wrong. We also make bombs.

The remake of ‘Robocop’?

  • Arizona Bone Yard, by the way, also the name of Tuson’s premier retirement home for swings.

Puts the “ass” in assisted living.

  • Perhaps no useless piece of military equipment has done more for the American worker than the F35 Fighter Jet. At $400 billion it is the most expensive weapon system in US history, despite a few draw backs:

“Headlines tell a story of years of delays, cost overruns, and problems with the jets. Right now, they still can’t fly at night.”

  • Which is fine, as long as Al Quaeda never stays up past their bedtime.

Death to brushing your teeth!

F-U-435 Employmentator

  • I propose a cutting edge weapons system, the F-U-435 Employmentator. It’s part tank, part jet, part aircraft carier and all crap.

Plot of Transformers 5.

  • Best of all, it costs a fortune and will take hundreds of thousands of people to build. But it’s better than wasting it on something foolish like food stamps, ’cause the only way to get American’s back to work is to keep making things that don’t.

Consumers for Paper Options

Stephen Colbert on Digital Toilet Paper

  • That’s the Envelope Manufacturers Association pushing the “pushing the envelope” envelope, since 1933.
  • Where does this paperless menace end? First they take our paperwork. What’s next, our Liquid Paper? Pretty soon they’ll come for our toilet paper. And I for one, don’t want to use something digital to clean my analog.
  • There’s nothing suspicious about this. Or the fact that my show is sponsored by the National Stamp Moistening Sponge Association. ‘Stamp moistening sponges for when you don’t give a spit’.

Interview – St. Vincent

St Vincent on The Colbert Report

St. Vincent: I was in a room full of Nobel Prize winners.
Stephen: Is that why you have Einsteins hair now?

Stephen: […] Are you saying there’s a version of me that I’m presenting to the world, that isn’t my true me?
St. Vincent: I would never suggest that.

  • Shaw

    Did Elena Slivnyak from Project Runway & PR All Stars design St. Vincent’s jacket?

    • I don’t know, but that jacket had some serious structure. The ’80’s are back, baby! *runs to closet and hides with basics*

  • A purple shirt and a purple, tie, oh my! Colors look so good on Stephen. Keep bringin’ it, wardrobe, spring is coming (Thank God!)

    St. Vincent is channeling some serious Prince with her music vibe there. What happened to her hair since last visit? Oy.

    We asked for a Word and we got a good one! I don’t understand all this outrage about defense spending from the same people who decry our national debt. Does it make any sense?

    • llama

      Yes, Love the lavender shirt!! Stephen used to wear darker color shirts when he was on TDS and it’s high time he added some color to his wardrobe, other than his ties. 🙂

  • Clem

    I was anticipating a new Word and what a wonderful Word it was!

    And I loved when Stephen covered up his laughter after he made that joke about cleaning his “analog.” 🙂