February 12, 2014 – Godfrey Reggio
EPISODE NUMBER: 10063 (February 12, 2014)
GUEST: Godfrey Reggio
SEGMENTS: White House State Dinner | Bill O’Reilly’s Interview of the Decade | Because Shep – White House Menu Report | Godfrey Reggio | Sign Off – Au Revoir
SUIT REPORT: Black Suit | White Shirt | Purple/Grey Striped Tie
VIDEOS: Wednesday, February 12, 2014
White House State Dinner
- Today, President O-handout signed an executive order raising the minimum wage for government employees to $10.10 an hour.
- That is an outrageous waste of my tax dollars. And, for the record, the only thing I like about going to the DMV is knowing that the workers are as miserable as I look in my drivers license photo.
- French President and thoughtful croissant, Francois Hollande.
“Who is he [Francois Hollande] going to bring along as France’s first lady? When you have a foreign guest … our President’s first lady would be seated next to the spouse. As of late last night, organisers here at the White House hadn’t even decided who would get the coveted seat typically reserved for the visiting leader’s spouse.”
- So it all came down to who would be seated next to Mrs Obama. There’s the President, and there’s Francois Hollande … and there’s Michelle Obama, and who’s next to her? It’s me!
- Oh, c’est un grand honneur! Oh some of those flowers were thrown very hard at my face.
- Let me get French here. I gotta smoke, I gotta smoke. And I gotta get my baguette. And of course, I can’t get this thing started.
- Nation, this is so much responsibility. Every first lady has their own initiatives. Michelle Obama’s are nutrition and military families. Mine, will be reviving the guillotine and finally bringing Jean Val Jean to justice. No free bread you criminal!
- Nation, my new role as Premier Dame Le France will not impact The Report. Sure, the show will now be made with even more butter. And my classic segments will be renamed ‘Tromper la Mort’ [Cheating Death], ‘Énumération des Menaces’ [Threat Down], and ‘Coup de Chapeau, Remue du Doigt’ [Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger].
Bill O’Reilly’s Interview of the Decade
- The Super Bowl was ten days ago and America is still buzzing over the embarrassingly lopsided victory of Bill O’Reilly over President Obama in the pre-game interview.
- Everybody is talking about it, from Bill O’Reily on the O’Reilly Factor to Bill O’Reilly anywhere there’s a camera.
“The whole country continues to digest my interview with President Obama. […] I guarantee you that what he said on the record is now going to be the focus on Congressional hearings. We estimate it was watched by more than 100 million people … and that’s just in the USA. Hundreds of millions more seeing it on the worldwide net. Big. And pretty much everybody knows it.”
- Yes, on Super-Bill Sunday, O’Reilly gave the interview of the decade – in that he will be talking about it for the next ten years. And now Papa Bear is giving us all a chance to own a piece of history:
“My handwritten interview notes, signed by me and President Obama, are being auctioned off. A nice unique historical item … We’re auctioning it off, opening bid of $10, 000. Now I know that’s a lot of money. But if you would like a beautiful replica of the signed notes, it can be yours for a $20 donation to the Fisher House.”
- Yes, in an historic move, Bill’s historically auctioning off the historic notes of his historic interview. And the winner will then possess evidence of Bill’s meticulous preparation. From”healthcare website” to “football” to “how liberal? Most liberal prez?” to “Fox News!” That last one’s just a reminder in case Bill forgets where he works.
- I had to [steal Bill O’Reilly’s microwave], because this carousel technically makes this [microwave] a spin zone. And that’s against the O’Reilly Constitution.
- Folks, this is the most historically important journalist microwave, since 1977’s ‘DeFrost Nixon’.
- Of course I’m a good guy, so all proceeds from the oven will go to benefit the Yellow Ribbon Fund, which helps injured service men and their families.
- I was going to take Bill’s cue and opening the bidding at $10,000, but after a little research on eBay. I found out that most six year old microwaves go for about $40. However, this one was used by Bill O’Reilly himself, so we’ll start the bidding at $43.
- Which is a bargain when you consider that this [microwave] keypad contains more words than Bill O’Reilly’s interview notes.
Because Shep – White House Menu Report
- [Shep Smith reads the White House State Dinner menu] Oh yes, they were very good last night. Thank you Shep for that installment of your award winning segment, ‘Reading a Menu.’
Interview – Godfrey Reggio
Stephen: Before we get to ‘Visitors’, let’s talk about your ouvre if I may be so bold.
Stephen: Being the First Lady of France, I use French now.
Godfrey: It’s [‘Visitors’] like a speechless narrative.
Stephen: I’m sorry what is –
Godfrey: A speechless narrative. It’s like watching a painting. Paintings can speak to you, if you stand in front of them.
Stephen: [Like] Like in Harry Potter?
Sign Off – Au Revoir