February 12, 2014 – Godfrey Reggio

The Colbert Report episode guide EPISODE NUMBER: 10063 (February 12, 2014)
GUEST: Godfrey Reggio
SEGMENTS: White House State Dinner | Bill O’Reilly’s Interview of the Decade | Because Shep – White House Menu Report | Godfrey Reggio | Sign Off – Au Revoir
SUIT REPORT: Black Suit | White Shirt | Purple/Grey Striped Tie
VIDEOS: Wednesday, February 12, 2014

White House State Dinner

Stephen Colbert Drivers License Photo

  • Today, President O-handout signed an executive order raising the minimum wage for government employees to $10.10 an hour.
  • That is an outrageous waste of my tax dollars. And, for the record, the only thing I like about going to the DMV is knowing that the workers are as miserable as I look in my drivers license photo.
  • French President and thoughtful croissant, Francois Hollande.

“Who is he [Francois Hollande] going to bring along as France’s first lady? When you have a foreign guest … our President’s first lady would be seated next to the spouse. As of late last night, organisers here at the White House hadn’t even decided who would get the coveted seat typically reserved for the visiting leader’s spouse.”

  • So it all came down to who would be seated next to Mrs Obama. There’s the President, and there’s Francois Hollande … and there’s Michelle Obama, and who’s next to her? It’s me!
Stephen Colbert is the First Lady of France

Ladies and gentlemen, I’m the first lady of France!

  • Oh, c’est un grand honneur! Oh some of those flowers were thrown very hard at my face.
  • Let me get French here. I gotta smoke, I gotta smoke. And I gotta get my baguette. And of course, I can’t get this thing started.
  • Nation, this is so much responsibility. Every first lady has their own initiatives. Michelle Obama’s are nutrition and military families. Mine, will be reviving the guillotine and finally bringing Jean Val Jean to justice. No free bread you criminal!
  • Nation, my new role as Premier Dame Le France will not impact The Report. Sure, the show will now be made with even more butter. And my classic segments will be renamed ‘Tromper la Mort’ [Cheating Death], ‘Énumération des Menaces’ [Threat Down], and ‘Coup de Chapeau, Remue du Doigt’ [Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger].

Bill O’Reilly’s Interview of the Decade

  • The Super Bowl was ten days ago and America is still buzzing over the embarrassingly lopsided victory of Bill O’Reilly over President Obama in the pre-game interview.
  • Everybody is talking about it, from Bill O’Reily on the O’Reilly Factor to Bill O’Reilly anywhere there’s a camera.

“The whole country continues to digest my interview with President Obama. […] I guarantee you that what he said on the record is now going to be the focus on Congressional hearings. We estimate it was watched by more than 100 million people … and that’s just in the USA. Hundreds of millions more seeing it on the worldwide net. Big. And pretty much everybody knows it.”

  • Yes, on Super-Bill Sunday, O’Reilly gave the interview of the decade – in that he will be talking about it for the next ten years. And now Papa Bear is giving us all a chance to own a piece of history:

“My handwritten interview notes, signed by me and President Obama, are being auctioned off. A nice unique historical item … We’re auctioning it off, opening bid of $10, 000. Now I know that’s a lot of money. But if you would like a beautiful replica of the signed notes, it can be yours for a $20 donation to the Fisher House.”

Bill O'Reillys interview notes

  • Yes, in an historic move, Bill’s historically auctioning off the historic notes of his historic interview. And the winner will then possess evidence of Bill’s meticulous preparation. From”healthcare website” to “football” to “how liberal? Most liberal prez?” to “Fox News!” That last one’s just a reminder in case Bill forgets where he works.
  • I had to [steal Bill O’Reilly’s microwave], because this carousel technically makes this [microwave] a spin zone. And that’s against the O’Reilly Constitution.
  • Folks, this is the most historically important journalist microwave, since 1977’s ‘DeFrost Nixon’.
  • Of course I’m a good guy, so all proceeds from the oven will go to benefit the Yellow Ribbon Fund, which helps injured service men and their families.

Bill O'Reilly microwave auction

  • I was going to take Bill’s cue and opening the bidding at $10,000, but after a little research on eBay. I found out that most six year old microwaves go for about $40. However, this one was used by Bill O’Reilly himself, so we’ll start the bidding at $43.
  • Which is a bargain when you consider that this [microwave] keypad contains more words than Bill O’Reilly’s interview notes.

Because Shep – White House Menu Report

Shep Smith reads a menu

  • [Shep Smith reads the White House State Dinner menu] Oh yes, they were very good last night. Thank you Shep for that installment of your award winning segment, ‘Reading a Menu.’

Interview – Godfrey Reggio

Godfrey Reggio Colbert Report interview

Stephen: Before we get to ‘Visitors’, let’s talk about your ouvre if I may be so bold.
Godfrey: Please.
Stephen: Being the First Lady of France, I use French now.

Godfrey: It’s [‘Visitors’] like a speechless narrative.
Stephen: I’m sorry what is –
Godfrey: A speechless narrative. It’s like watching a painting. Paintings can speak to you, if you stand in front of them.
Stephen: [Like] Like in Harry Potter?

Sign Off – Au Revoir

Stephen Colbert on Valentine's Day

  • We here at the Hub were so happy and enthralled catching snippets of the Colberts at the state dinner on Tuesday. What an honor, and particularly for Stephen to be at the head table, with uh, two heads of state and seated next to our first lady. Mrs. Obama more than likely invited Stephen due to his charity work on behalf of veterans, which has been substantial. As I have said, he has a remarkable skill for philanthropy, and I hope it continues for a long time. Viva la première dame de France!

    Speaking of helping the troops, I am sad that the O’Reilly microwave is leaving TCR studios after such a great run, but obviously a lot of money will be raised for the yellow ribbon fund. I wonder if Papa Bear will play along with Stephen on this one, it’s been a loong time since our fearless host entered the No Spin Zone. I think a check-in visit to the Factor might be warranted, since O’Reilly wilted under the pressure of being in heart of Colbertdom.

    Well, I am off to the races! See you guys later.

  • It is so amazing that Stephen got to attend a White House State Dinner. And now he’s the First Lady of France! That is something that would only happen to Stephen! I wonder what Stephen and Mrs. Obama talked about during dinner. (Me and my weird thoughts!)

    The bid on Papa Bear’s microwave is already up to $85,400. There are 9 days left to bid on the item. I wonder how much the final bid will be. This is absolutely hysterical AND it goes to an amazing cause.

  • llama

    Shame on me, because I know it’s all for charity, but I couldn’t resist looking up to see how much the signed notes are up to over on Bill’s website. Stephen’s winning. I wonder why Bill didn’t use ebay?

  • Corrie-luv

    All hail First Lady of France, Stephen! I definitely didn’t see that coming, including the new seating arrangements, neh?

    BTW, I think I have some idea why TCR and TDS aren’t airing any episodes. I suppose after hearing from students of other schools in my hometown, most of them will not have classes. Then again, tomorrow’s Friday and Valentine’s Day (strangest time to not have school). But after the news of the East coast weather lasting this week, it looks like schools surrounding that area will have to be closed, starting Thursday and hereon. Probably Jon and Stephen want to take advantage of those days to be with their families, which is cool because there is no bigger Valentine than your family, if that makes sense, which kinda does.

    Also, sad face for Bill O’Reilly’s microwave leaving the TCR set. And indifferent face if O’Reilly and Stephen ever meet each other, only because of that interview on TCR years ago. I still long for the day Stephen will be invited again on the Factor.

  • I’ve never seen or heard of Godfrey Reggio, but I will definitely be checking out his films. They look fascinating.

    Loved the ‘First Lady of France’ segment. I wonder if Stephen will add that to his official name … if there’s any room left in the credits to include it.

    Can’t believe the microwave is up to $96,700.00 already. I’ll be sad to see it go, but I do wonder what Stephen will place on the shelf to fill the empty spot.