February 6, 2014 – Paul Krugman

The Colbert Report episode guide EPISODE NUMBER: 10060 (February 6, 2014)
GUEST: Paul Krugman
SEGMENTS: Obama & the Keystone XL Pipeline | Sochi Olympics Cry-athlon | Tip/Wag – TSA Peeping Toms, Domino’s Pizza Artists & Federal Judges | Paul Krugman | Sign Off – Welcome Baby Eli!
SUIT REPORT: Dark Suit | White Shirt | Gold/Silver/Navy Striped Tie
VIDEOS: Thursday, February 6, 2014

The Colbert Report openingStephen soaking up the energy from the crowd.

Obama & the Keystone XL Pipeline

Stephen Colbert feels good“If there’s one thing I love saying, it’s ‘I told you so’…oh god, that felt good. See, I told you so, oh there it is again. What a rush”

Stephen is saying “I told you so” to Obama for delaying on the Keystone XL pipeline. There was a report recently released that says there will be minimal impact on the environment if Keystone is built.

  • “Last week, his strategic excuse reserve ran dry”
  • “The pipeline will provide us with much needed fossil fuels. Speaking of fossils, Bill O’Reilly”

Stephen Colbert on Bill O'Reilly“Bill did something on Sunday night, the Broncos couldn’t, he scored points”

Bill pressed Obama on the pipeline. He obviously thinks it should be built and even though Obama said he was still looking into the process of getting it built, Bill says at the end of the exchange, “I’ll take that as a yes”.

  • You heard President O’Reilly. He said yes to the Keystone XL pipeline and that’s why I love Bill. He’s not only asking the hard hitting questions, he’s providing the hard hitting answers.

Since it’s inevitable, Stephen wants America to get in on the action.

Stephen Colbert on polar bears“I say we drown the polar bears in the San Diego Zoo. Then they could charge $200 per person to watch. That money could go to the World Wildlife Fund and they can use it to help the polar bears, because otherwise those guys are doomed”

Sochi Olympics Cry-athlon

Russia is in terrible condition. Hotels have no water, but the water is full of contaminants. The signs say not to flush toilet paper, instead you have to throw it in the trash.

  • Okay, that’s a little rough, but on the bright side, the secret police probably won’t go through your trash now.

Also, some of the sidewalks haven’t been paved and some of the manholes are not covered.

Stephen Colbert on Sochi Problems“Okay, that one surprised me. Given the anti-gay laws, you’d expect Putin to cover the manholes.”

Russia is holding up the US’ Chobani greek yogurt at the airport.

Stephen Colbert on Chobani ban in Russia“It’s no secret that yogurt is the gayest of all dairy products. First of all, it’s Greek style, longs to go in the mouth of John Stamos and need I mention, fruit on the bottom”

  • All these problems can be solved. Sochi still has almost (looks at watch) nine hours before the Olympics begin.

Tip/Wag – TSA Peeping Toms, Domino’s Pizza Artists & Federal Judges

The TSA has been accused of mocking passengers who are being scanned. They supposedly gawk at people who are overweight.

  • Now everyone’s going to be self conscious about traveling. You’ll have to get in shape for every flight like it’s your wedding day.

Domino’s pizza makers are getting a little too snooty. They are equating the art they make in their spare time with making Domino’s Pizza.

Stephen Colbert on Domino's Pizza“I finally get Domino’s. It’s not pizza, it’s art. At first blush, it appears ephemeral, a protean mass of meats and cheeses but after a night on the counter it’s as dense and impenetrable as Rodan’s Gates of Hell. Although, I gotta say, still pretty good when you’re drunk.”

Federal judges have ruled that you have the right to flash your lights at other drivers to warn them of an upcoming speed trap. It’s just like Paul Revere’s ride.

The Colbert Report on speed traps“One if by land, two if by sea and three if I can’t drive FIFTY FIIIIIIIIIIIVE”

Stephen Colbert wearing a baseball capJust don’t get your toilet and your sports drink mixed…too late.

Interview – Paul Krugman

Paul Krugman on The Colbert ReportPaul Krugman and his frequent guest sub.

Stephen: Have you read the report? Have you read the report? I have not, therefore, I get to claim anything I want Paul Krugman.

Mr. Krugman explains that the jobs are not being killed, it is a case where people are leaving their jobs voluntarily because now they can just get health insurance wherever and whenever they want.

Stephen was a tollbooth operator on the New Jersey turnpike when Jon Stewart drove up and gave him a show. That must be true because he’s told that one before, right? 😉

Stephen keeps hammering on the idea of redistribution of wealth and Krugman says that he’s okay with that a little, but he also says that’s what insurance is all about, pooling people’s money.

He had better eat that sub before it gets cold.

Sign Off – Welcome Baby Eli!

Jay Katsir babyStephen’s Jr. Executive intern and intern-in-law with their new baby.

  • Mr. Arkadin

    Wow! What a great show this was! I haven’t seen it yet. Actually, it hasn’t even aired. But we get to see Paul Krugman instead of Charlie Crist so it must be great!

    • karenatasha

      Charlie Crist comes next week. I have reason to know. 😉

  • Corrie-luv

    I kinda expected that Stephen wouldn’t get any access to this year’s Olympics, with the long distance airfare, lodging, delay on lodging preparations (thanks, Sochi: resort capital of Russia), most especially leaving behind his beloved Nation. With the convenience of Vancouver’s Olympics in 2010, the long ride home wasn’t that long. I’m still hoping that The Most-Def. Colbert and Jonny-bun will cover the controversies and media aspects of the Olympics for the next few weeks, if there are still any.

    By the way, I found out on a TDS forum that next week’s Thursday show will be dark. Does anyone know if that will be the same for TCR, too, and why?

    • karenatasha

      It looks as if it will be the same for TCR–that’s what the websites devoted to guests say. And I cannot figure why. That isn’t heading to Presidents’ Day, is it? I wonder if they’re taking a long weekend. I don’t know of anything else that would keep both of them off.

  • Mr. Arkadin

    I was surprised in his litany of problems with the Sochi Olympics that Stephen didn’t mention the massive dog killings going on. I wonder why he didn’t?

    Stephen dialed up his character to eleven with Krugman last night. When Stephen/”Stephen” kept emphasizing “wealth redistribution” against the rich, I wanted Krugman to counter that “wealth redistribution” has been going on for forty years now in favor of the rich and that it’s about time it goes the the other way! Sadly, Krugman just kept arguing the semantics of the term and if it was legitimate to say or not.
    Even good liberals can be maddening. *Sigh*

    • llama

      Re: dog killings, that’s really sad and I would guess that’s the reason why he didn’t mention it. Kinda hard to get comedy out of that. I agree with what you say about Krugman countering the wealth re-distribution. That would’ve been a good thing to say.

      • Mr. Arkadin

        I agree with you that it would be hard to make that funny. (And I don’t necessarily mean that I wanted jokes about dog killing. Just a mention of it. He did bring up the stray dogs in general after all.) But remember. This is the show that made “Rosa Parks: Over-rated” funny shortly after she died. So I have great faith in TCR trying anything and succeeding at it.