January 31, 2013 – Matthew Guerrieri

The Colbert Report episode guide EPISODE NUMBER: 9054 (January 31, 2013)
GUESTS: Matthew Guerrieri
SEGMENTS: Sport Report – Ads for Ads & Deer Antler Spray | Sport Report – Gatorade Chemicals & Chicken Wing Shortage | Craziest F#?King Thing I’ve Ever Heard – Crows Using Tools | Matthew Guerrieri | Sign Off – Welcome Baby Sanchez!
SUIT REPORT: Black Pin Striped Suit | Striped White Shirt | Red/White/Blue Striped Tie
VIDEOS: Thursday, January 31, 2013

Stephen Colbert on Big Bird

Sport Report – Ads for Ads & Deer Antler Spray

“The sweet science, the pick and roll, from the downtown, you sunk my battleship! Yatzee!” is about the most cogent summary of American Football I have ever heard.

Stephen Colbert on the Superbowl

Sport Report – Gatorade Chemicals & Chicken Wing Shortage

Stephen’s review of Gatorade Chemicals and Chicken Wings with basically sphincter, sphincter, every where is not complete with out a little hot sauce. Would love to attend a basement, tailgate party at Annual Bash at Captain Colbert’s Goodtime, Balls Out Kicking It!

Stephen Colbert on Chicken Wings

His sequence of puns about chicken wings was poultry in motion! Check it out!

Craziest F#?King Thing I’ve Ever Heard – Crows Using Tools

Loved his Craziest F#?King Thing and his ability to get past his interviews with James Carville. Cute kitten alert! Then Stephen demonstrates his problem solving, human potential that surpasses that of bird-brain-Crows. And thanks, Mr. C for demonstrating humans’ tendency to hit things; hey, when brute force doesn’t work, you are using enough. Am I right? Loved the M&M cheeks!

Stephen Colbert eating M&Ms

Stephen Colbert eating M&Ms

Stephen Colbert eating M&Ms

Interview – Matthew Guerrieri

Now, Dr. Guerrieri has written an amazing book about the amazing genius of Beethoven and his, “dum, dum, dum, dumb” and upon hearing it a few more times, I have to say, I think I began to track. But Mr. Colbert stepped it up and listened in and graciously and kindly translated for his audience. I feared Dr. G was having a flash back from his dissertation defense or his last presentation at the International Musicological Conference.

Matthew Guerrieri on The Colbert Report

Sign Off – Welcome Baby Sanchez!

Welcome to our newest ColbertNation Hero! Baby Sanchez! Now, Madam Wardrobe Sanchez, please come back because Stephen’s suit sleeves are having an allergic reaction to this shirt sleeves! Nice tie though.

Colbert Report staff babies

  • GabbyD

    dont you all think his coat sleeves a wee bit short?

  • Elanor

    Or his shirt sleeves a little long, LOL … his wardrobe lady needs to come back … after her maternity leave!!

  • Mr. Arkadin

    Thanks for linking that confirmation that Guerrieri was nervous, Elanor.
    While watching his epic rambling about Beethoven, German romantics, and E.T.A. Hoffmann. I was thinking, “Wow! has “Stephen”/ Stephen ever let anyone talk this long without interrupting?” I was interested in what he was saying. But also felt bad that he maybe melting down. What most amazed me though, was how Stephen (real Stephen) just moments after Guerrieri’s dissertation managed to distill everything Guerrieri had said in about three pithy sentences. Thus providing a better promo for the book then the author! I found this jaw-dropping! Because you know there’s not a chance in Hell Stephen actually read the book. He just did it on the fly, listening to the guy. Extraordinary! Stephen is one badass, smartypants! Major kudos, too you sir.

  • Mary Beth O.

    I was at the 1/31 taping and can definitely say that Matthew Guerrieri seemed very nervous. We could see his hands shaking as he was talking. It was wonderful the way Stephen handled it, too. He seemed to be empathetic, but still had the Stephen humor there when he was talking to him. Seeing the show taped and seeing Stephen in person is definitely something I will always remember!!! Best time ever!!!

  • Elanor

    Mr. Arkadin said “Extraordinary! Stephen is one badass, smartypants! Major kudos, too you sir.”

    Very absolutely so. I too though, holy moly, Mr. G, you are having a nauseated flash back from your dissertation defense, come back to us, babe! And then, Mr. C cut through to the meaning and then turned it to the audience. Oh, so very skillful and oh so very kind.

  • Karenatasha

    @Mr. Arkadin

    Yes–he was gracious and smart to one very nervous academic. I was at first surprised he didn’t break in, but it was a true act of kindness and generosity. (Also, I think he was taking the time to figure out how to sum it up!) And I’d actually like to read the book.

  • Victoria

    @Mary Beth O.- You were at the taping! That’s great! I can’t speak for everyone, but I would love to hear some first hand accounts from attending the taping (I’m going to take a wild guess and assume that other’s will agree with me). :) I’m glad Stephen handled Matthew Guerrieri the way he did, as well. Typical Stephen brilliance!

  • CN Helper

    The Craziest F#?King Thing I’ve Ever Heard was really good. We haven’t seen that segment in a while. Except for when he ate the whole bag of M &ms, that was hard to watch – especially as he is image conscious (unnecessarily so, imho.)

    It’s sweet how he dealt with Mr. Guerrieri in the interview, but not surprising. Stephen is one of the kindest, gentlest guys on television, although that character of his can get a little rough sometimes, intimidating to even the most media-hardened figure. Kudos to them both.

  • Karenatasha

    @Mary Beth O.
    I second what everyone says and would be so happy to read a reporT!
    Those are always so precious. By the way, were you one of the people who got in last minute because TCR had a post on Facebook about the availability of tickets?

  • llama

    The interview, for me, is the part of the show where I always have the most trouble paying attention. My mind tends to wander. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who found it difficult to follow what he was saying. Good, that makes me feel a little better.
    I was also glad to see the Craziest F***in’ thing return, however, I have to regretfully say that it didn’t seem all that crazy to me to see birds doing such things. Birds have been used for many decades by scientists and have proven that they can recognize different patterns and repeat them to get food or have performed specific rituals repeatedly in order to get food. Makes me think “birdbrain” should definitely not be considered an insult. You’re welcome. 😉
    Still, loved to see Stephen get all angered by a tube with an M&M in it and then dump a whole bag of ’em on himself.

  • Karenatasha

    I agree, llama! I didn’t think it was crazy at all. In fact, I think they primarily did the story for the payoff–the M&M gorging. It wasn’t as strong to me as most of the other stuff.

  • anais0509

    I agree with both of you, llama and Karenatasha! When I was watching that crow segment, it just made me think about that Aesop fable about a thirsty crow who used pebbles to raise the little water available inside an almost-empty jug so that he could take a drink. I guess crows are pretty clever creatures after all.

    Aww, Baby Sanchez is so cute! Looks like his ma likes to make sure that the Colbert Nation keeps growing! Wonder if Lucas will take a cue from Big Sister Zoe and make a TCR debut later this year (just like she did for a Colbert SuperPAC segment)?…

  • Mary Beth O.


    I just sent a “review” of what it was like to attend a taping to Elanor, so after she reviews it, I’m sure she will share it :) I didn’t get my tickets at the last minute, but happened to be on fb in early December when they announced there were some tickets available for shows in December and January. I was so lucky to grab them up b/c they were gone in less than 10 minutes.

  • Karenatasha

    @Mary Beth O.
    Hey, Mary Beth: Yes–I was able to take a quick look at it. I can’t wait to read it more carefully. So glad you got your tickets and had a great time. The tapings are so much fun.