EPISODE NUMBER: 9031 (December 3, 2012)
GUESTS: Ian McKellen
SEGMENTS: The Pundit: Or Colbert and Back Again | The Pundit: Or Colbert and Back Again – Hobbit Week Lineup | The Word – Base Instincts | Senior Moment – Granny Pods | Sign Off – The Pundit: Or Colbert and Back Again – Sting
SUIT REPORT: Pin stripped suit | Light blue shirt | Red stripped tie
VIDEOS: Monday, December 3, 2012
You hear that girls from Middle School? I am not a Geek. I am King Geek!
Buddy, just hang in there for another 35 years. It’s gonna pay off.
I have to say, that was an exciting and unverified escalation of my career. But is any of it true? Well my lips are sealed. But let me ask you this, if I did not appear in ‘The Hobbit Trilogy’ why do I have the Elvish blade Sting? One of the original Sting’s used in ‘The Lord of the Rings Trilogy’.
Did I find it in a Mountain Troll’s cave, or is it just some prop? Oh no, this was made in Gondolin before the Fall.
I was crushed to learn the metropolis I know and love has changed. *Not one person was murdered in New York City on Monday* What happened? I remember the real New York of the 80s, when in a single night you could score some weed, catch a Times Square porno, and then get stabbed in the neck by a coked up Lou Reed.
Now Times Square has become a Disneyfied Bubba Gump Wimp Company. The worst that could happen is one of those giant M&Ms tries to flash you its peanut.
Supercalifragislisticexpiali *beep* me.
To this day I am afraid to go through a revolving door.
No one ever comes back.
We have got to do something to scare white Repubicans back into voting.
Look at everything I have. You see this iPad right here, I got it for free. And my free iPad has its own free Mini iPad, which has its own free iPhone 5, which has a free Nano, which has its own free Shuffle. I can afford all this, but I don’t have to pay for it. Doesn’t that make you just wanna bludgeon me with a chair leg until I burst open like a cash piñata?
Yes a ‘Granny Pod’. Why spend time in a cold sterile hospital environment far from your family, when you could be in a cold sterile hospital environment with inside of your family, in your own medical grade shed for just $85 – 125, 000.
Ian: You know, we’re making a sequel in Middle Earth. It’s going to star Gandalf the Gay. And you get to find out who his favourite Dwarf is!
Stephen: I can’t wait to see it in 3D, is all I’m saying.
Stephen: Are you ever tempted when you’re playing Gandalf, and the Orcs are coming after you … Do you ever get tempted to use any of that Magneto power, and just take their swords away from them?
Ian: No Stephen, because Gandalf is more powerful than Magneto.
Stephen: What’s Gandalf’s middle name?
Ian: Uh …
Stephen: Uh … ‘Fifty Shades Of.’