EPISODE NUMBER: 9027 (November 26, 2012)
GUESTS: Jake Tapper | Elvis Costello (by phone)
SEGMENTS: Stephen’s Thanksgiving & Holy Black Friday | Judge, Jury, & Executioner – Copyright Law | Blitzkrieg on Grinchitude – Pope Benedict XVI
SUIT REPORT: Navy pin striped suit | Pale blue shirt | Purple & navy blue striped tie
VIDEOS: Monday, November 26, 2012
It was nice to see Stephen back in studio, looking re-energized and ready for a few more weeks before the show finishes up 2012. For your Monday night viewing loyalty, you were rewarded with lots of light topics, including Stephen’s appreciation for Homeland, the “sanctity” of Black Friday, Pope Benedict, and copyright law. The latter prompted the segment Judge, Jury, & Executioner (when was the last time we saw that one?), and a phone call from Elvis Costello, which was a nice surprise.
We’ll be getting this guide completed in a bit, but do share your thoughts in the comments.
- Tonight! I tackle the exciting issue of copyright infringement. So be sure to bootleg tonight’s show for your friends!
- Then, controversy over the birth of Jesus. It turns out, there was enough room at the end, but Joseph didn’t have enough Reward Points.
- And my guest, journalist Jake Tapper, has written a book about American soldiers fighting in Afghanistan. Someday I hope to be brave enough to read it.
- I’m back and I am better than sometimes. This is The Colbert Report!
Stephen’s Thanksgiving & Holy Black Friday
- [Speaking about Homeland] Here’s what I can’t figure out? When do they charge their cell phones? They are always on them! They are never plugged into anything! …and it’s always like full bars. DC, Beirut, Baghdad, great reception. Makes the whole thing kind of unbelievable.
- I celebrated [Thanksgiving] in the traditional manner with my family, or as the Indians call them, “maize.”
Frankly, I am worried that Black Friday is being ruined by commercialism…Whatever happened to trampling people for the love of the game?
Judge, Jury, & Executioner – Copyright Law
- It is a textbook copyright case, in that it is a copyright case about textbooks.
- 1.2 million dollars! In textbook prices, that’s got to be like 8 books.
- I’m sorry I don’t buy this “First Sale” argument, and if I did, I would not resell it. Because I don’t have the right.
- Ebay illegal?! That could de-stabilize the global market in Welcome Back, Kotter board games.
Convo with Elvis Costello
- SC: I am having a garage sale…and calling all the copyright holders to work out a profit sharing arrangement.
- SC: Elvis, I am having a garage sale tomorrow.
- EC: Oh, a garage sale! Do you need any help setting up tables? Can I be the cashier? I do love counting money.
- SC: No, I’m sorry, Elvis, Sting is going to be the cashier. No, I am just calling because I want to ask your permission to sell my old copy of My Aim is True.
- EC: Well, obviously, we’re friends, but I’ve got to get my beak wet on this. How much money are we talking about?
- SC: Uh, I am going to put it in the dollar bin.
- EC: I’m honored. What’s my take?
- SC: I am offering you 12 cents.
- EC: Stephen, that is my debut album. It’s a blistering indictment of the deadening of romantic dreams, and an irreplaceable moment in my youth. I want 15 cents.
- SC: I’ll give you 14.
- EC: 14, and you throw something in from the garage sale.
- SC: Like what?
- EC: A used bunt pan.
- SC: A used bunt pan? I am sorry, the best I could do is a dented muffin tin.
- EC: You fell for my trap, I already have a bunt pan.
- SC: You son of a bitch!
- EC: Have fun with Sting.
Blitzkrieg on Grinchitude – Pope Benedict XVI
Ladies and Gentlemen, every Christmas has its share of Yule Log-Jammers, but this year it comes from an unexpected source: Pope Benedict.
- Now as a lifelong Catholic, I have stood by the Church during its various trials and public tribulations: the debate over birth control, the role of women in the Church, and a third controversy I have taken drugs to forget. But frankly, I got Nativiteed off, when the Pope mentioned that [there were no animals in the manager.]
- No animals in the manger? Who died and made you Pope? Oh, another Pope, ok, well that’s convenient.
Hey, your Holiness, you know what else is never mentioned in the Bible? The Pope.
- Let me just double check here.. pope, pope, pope…nope.
- Even if you are trying to buzz stomp my yuletide barnyard, I will still leave out milk and cookies for you.
- Jake Tapper: [On the Fiscal Cliff negotiations] It’s like the movie Saw…you have to either cut off your arm or die. So, they will cut off their arm.
- Tapper: I’d been covering the war from the comfort of the North Lawn of the White House. And I didn’t know as much as I needed to know about the war…suddenly when you are talking about 8 dead Americans, 8 sons that I was learning about that had been taken from this earth, as I was holding my new son, it became a lot more real.