EPISODE NUMBER: 9020 (November 6, 2012) GUESTS:Andrew Sullivan SEGMENTS: The Colbert Report Election 2012 – Who Will Replace Obama? ’012 | The Colbert Report Election 2012 – Too Close to Call | Andrew Sullivan | Senate Races & State Referenda | Sign Off – Election Reflections SUIT REPORT: Dark suit | White shirt | Red tie VIDEOS:Tuesday, November 6, 2012
On behalf of the Hub, wishing you a very Happy Birthday Mrs. Colbert. I hope that Stephen sent you an awesome present, and that you have a wonderful day!!
This is a napkin, soaked with Liberal tears. That can only mean one thing. Ladies and gentleman, The Colbert Report is ready to project, that CNN has projected, that Animal Planet has predicted, that the winner of the 2012 Presidential Election is Barack Obama.
Yes, ladies and gentleman, I did read that well. America has elected its first black President, for an historic first second time. Of course, let’s remember Obama is only half black. It is possible that in his second term he will be white.
Just like in Ayn Rand’s ‘Atlas Shrugged’, we are going to leave you parasites behind, and relocate to an island where only rich people can live, Manhattan.
Let’s face it, America’s a quick drunk and an easy lay. Apparently all you have to do is show up in a nice suit, give her free health care, save the auto industry and kill Bin Laden, and that old girl will put out.
But will America respect herself in the morning? You could have gone with that nice Romney boy. What was his name? Mitt? No, that can’t be right, Matt’s not a name.
I just want to taste the tears of unfathomable sadness, that’s all I want.
Well the first openly lesbian senator, cause you’re not fooling anyone Lindsey Graham.
What is this country coming to? Twenty one year olds allowed to smoke marijuana. That makes me want to drink myself into a blind rage and do something I will regret.