April 19, 2012 — Tavis Smiley & Cornel West

The Colbert Report Episode GuideEPISODE NUMBER:  8089 (April 19, 2012)
GUESTS: Tavis Smiley & Cornel West
SEGMENTS: Stephen’s 4/20 Message | Alpha Dog of the Week – Cory Booker | The Enemy Within – Bologna Border Bust | Time’s 2012 Top 100 Most Influential
SUIT REPORT: Dark suit | White shirt | Red/white spotted tie
VIDEOS: Thursday, April 19, 2012

Intro 4/19/12

Tonight, a new threat sneaking in from Mexico.  I say we get one step ahead of it and sneak into Canada.  Then, who’s a good dog?  Who’s a good dog?  The answer may surprise you! And my guests Tavis Smiley and Cornel West went on an eighteen city poverty bus tour.  I’ll be the groupie action on that bus is sobering.

Ted Nugent met with the secret service today, no word on how much he charged them for the wango tango.

I want you in this audience and the audience out there to know that you… are the last thing I think of before I go to sleep at night.... The second to last thing I think of.

Stephen’s 4/20 Message

Nation, tomorrow is 4/20. I don’t have to tell you I will not be doing a show because we don’t do shows on Friday. But I will be doing something else that will keep me busy all day! I’ll be busting you pot heads. Now don’t be paranoid but that sound you hear, that’s me. I’m coming for you moonbeam.

Jimmy, let’s take it over here.

Alpha Dog of the Week – Cory Booker

Notable Quotables

  • Folks, when you ask a dog what’s on top of the house he says “roof”.   When you ask an Alpha Dog what’s on top of a house he says, “What do I look like, a f*@king architect?”
  • Last week, Mayor Booker found himself in a life and death game of fetch and turned out to be a golden retriever.
  • He is so hands on, one time he even pulled himself over and then sued himself for racial profiling.

Folks, it’s no secret that our cities are suffering a massive budget crisis. Municipalities have to cut back on fire departments, boards of health and public safety, in many cities the police have been replaced by a gun duct taped to a Roomba.

Exactly, like the time my neighbor Alan’s house caught on fire and I drove my car away from it so he would not be liable for any damage. Gotta look out for each other.

And this Alpha Dog has a history of lifting his leg on danger.

This big dog has shown us how to neuter big city budgets. Fire all the municipal workers and let our elected officials do their jobs. I mean, why can’t New York mayor Mike Bloomberg drive a bus? If he sits on a stack of old phone books, I bet he could see over the steering wheel.

More to come

Sign Off- Time’s Top 100

That's it for The Report everybody, goodnight!

  • lockhart43

    It was weird to see Stephen do an Alpha Dog of Week where he was actually praising someone, instead of mocking them. I’m okay with it, though, Booker’s cool. Saving Newark one citizen at a time! That Enemy Within was so ridiculous and so stupid and so, so funny. Kudos to those kids for making an already funny segment even funnier.

    The West/Smiley interview was great! Stephen appeared to really like it, too. I like Tavis Smiley just fine, but I was pretty okay with the fact that West did the majority of the talking during the interview; like I said in the BKAD, just hearing West talk makes me smile. No one seems to talk the way he does or put words together quite like him, and I love it (I’ve always admired that about Stephen as well). I’ll give you an example: during the interview West said he wanted a “Democratic awakening around poverty.” I have never heard anyone put it that way before, it was wonderful.

    On another note, did anyone watch TDS last night? They showed way too many clips of Charles Krauthammer, it was terrifying. That guy’s face looks like it’s slowly melting away from his head. Clearly the re-animation isn’t taking.

  • Erika

    I agree with lockhart43, it was weird seeing a positive Alpha Dog. I kinda miss the really biting ones, so I hope they start doing those again, but it was nice to see something fun and inspiring. I’ve heard whispers that Corey Booker’s name has come up on several occasions when talking about the next democratic nominee in four years. This story can’t hurt his image.

    If I could have a vote for President in four years….how about President Cornell West? Man that guy is amazing!

  • llama

    I will never eat baloney again. Not that I ever did. I always hated baloney, but now there’s no way in hell in a handbasket.
    It’s been a long time since an Alpha Dog. Nice to see it again, even though it was someone who wasn’t acting like an ass.