EPISODE NUMBER: 8075 (March 27, 2012)
GUESTS: Charles Murray
SEGMENTS: Intro | Barack Obama-Gun Control Conspiracy | Tip/Wag – Anti-Prejudice Drug & Dick Cheney’s Heart | Thought for Food – Tacocopter
SUIT REPORT: Dark suit | White shirt | Red/Black tie
VIDEOS: Tuesday, March 27, 2012
A more riveting episode could not have been delivered via unmanned drone, even if that drone were bringing tacos. President Obama’s vast conspiracy to become a two-term president has been unveiled! Along with our country’s penchant for gun paranoia.
We also enjoyed a fantastic Tip/Wag. An anti-racism pill sounds great, particularly for people who may also suffer from the crippling gun paranoia in the first segment. That’s a two-fer.
I always love to see Thought for Food, a segment that is recurring much more frequently these days. Although the Tacocopter is a ridiculous concept, it is hilarious, ergo… it’s perfection for Thought for Food. Needless to say, I think the FAA made the right call in tacoblocking the Tacocopter.
As far as the interview with Mr. Murray, it was fireworks, but not in the way I was expecting. I feel kind of conflicted about Stephen’s approach to it. I am not sure if hammering Murray on a 17-year-old publication (The Bell Curve) and some obscure researchers association with it was necessarily the strongest angle to attack; however, there are some holes in Coming Apart’s reasoning, which David Frum has pointed out in this thorough review.
It wasn’t the questioning of ideology of the book that surprised me, but more Stephen’s approach. It is a little out of character for him, but he did pull back and the interview ended cordially. I hope Mr. Murray enjoyed himself.
Thanks for all your great comments; we really appreciate your participation.
Tonight! A new pill can cure prejudice. You can trust me: I’m white.
Then, the latest innovation in food delivery: spoiler alert, it’s Di Giorno.
And my guest, Charles Murray, has written a new book about the state of White America.
I believe that state is Utah.
The U.S. soccer team failed to make the Olympics. Now if only soccer would fail to make the Olympics.
This is The Colbert Report!
Barack Obama-Gun Control Conspiracy
The way you chant, I would love to see you march in knee-high boots.
Thank you for joining us for what might be the end of the Republic. Now I have warned you for years that President Obama would hatch a secret plot to be re-elected. And now that plot has been exposed, because of this whole election-thing we’re goin’. Well, it is causing the appropriate level of panic.
Yes! The fear of not being able to buy guns has led to buying so many guns, now we can’ buy any guns, just like we feared. Oh, it’s too simple, right?
In 2008, when people bought before Obama took office, because they knew he would pass harsh gun regulation, which he didn’t. And I will not fall for it again, Mr. President, because we are one step ahead of where you are not planning to go.
Me thinks he doth too little too much. And if he gets away with this, what other things he shown no signs of doing will he do next? For instance, he hasn’t sold you into white slavery. Why not? You’re attractive. You could totally satisfy a Russian kleptocrat.
And I can’t help but notice that he has not seized all the Catholic Church’s property and given to the New Black Panther Party for them to run their reefer dens – and ergo, he will. And I don’t even know the meaning of the word “ergo.”
Yes, we need pistols to fight off the roving gangs who come to steal our precious juice! (Nice pic.) It’s the same reason I am investing in personal helicopters, dirt children, and steel gimp masks. So arm yourselves America, or before you know, we all be ruled over by a sexy black lady with crazy blond hair. Mr. President, we don’t need another hero, we don’t need to know the way home, all we want is life beyond Thunderdome. And by the way, Mr. President, you can have my boomerang knife, when you pry it from my cold dead fingers. (Footage of fingers being elegantly severed in Road Warrior.) It might be easier than I thought.
Tip/Wag – Anti-Prejudice Drug & Dick Cheney’s Heart
Nation, I don’t just want to give you my opinion. I want to force feed it down your gullet, until your liver becomes a delicious “moi grais.”
…Fox News, the official channel of white people.
Yes, an anti-racism pill. That’s why I am giving a tip of my hat to whatever Oriental genius came up with this. They are a very smart people, and I am not taking anything away from the jews.
Now for my non-neurologist viewers, sub-conscious thoughts are lower class thoughts, from the wrong side of the brain, you know, the one that takes siestas.
Now if scientists are treating racism with medication, that makes racism a disease, and as such, it’s not your fault, and nothing to be ashamed. I know my Grandpa Leland was so humiliated by his chronic ailment, he took to covering his face (shows a klansman.) (Audience groans) Miss that good man.
(Regarding Dick Cheney’s heart transplant) Sir, I hope you’re back on feet, or maybe, somebody else’s younger, stronger feet.
..which is why tonight, I am giving a tip of my hat, to me. I am the heart donor. You can applaud.
Excuse me, I am trying to praise myself here. What?
Thought for Food – Tacocopter
I don’t like to eat and run; that is why I do all my eating on an elliptical machine. This is Thought for Food.
…I always want to be on the cutting edge of sitting still while food is being brought to my mouth.
I can’t tell you how many times a taco stand has refused to deliver to me, just because I am halfway up K2, or on the roof of a farmhouse in a flooded valley.
Thanks to the imagineers at Tacocopter, now, wherever I am, by sending my cell phone’s GPS coordinates, I can call in a surgical flavor strike that will level my hunger with significant collateral deliciousness. I mean, forget the arms race, folks, we are winning the stomach race. Tacocopter is the first step to achieving intercontinental ballistic munchies, and it is less risky than my current method of getting takeout from Meal Team Six. (Asides to audience: they’re heroes, you know.)
Tacocopter is being blocked by the U.S. government. (Audience boos.) Very good. Barack Obama is tacoblocking me.