March 12, 2012 — Katherine Boo

The Colbert Report Episode GuideEPISODE NUMBER: 8070 (March 12, 2012)
GUESTS: Katherine Boo
SPECIAL GUEST: Dave “Mudcat” Saunders
SEGMENTS: Daylight Savings Socialism | Indecision 2012 – Republican’s Southern Strategy | Indecision 2012 – Dave “Mudcat” Saunders | Cheating Death – Bacon Cure for Nosebleeds and Brain Wave Sterility | Sign-Off
SUIT REPORT: Gray Suit | Powder Blue Shirt | Navy patterned tie
VIDEOS: Monday, March 12, 2012

Check out the following eye candy, I mean, highlights, from last night’s show until I can post a full episode guide. Our old friend Cheating Death was back baby! Please enjoy responsibly.


Tonight’s episode was a sheerly delightful treatise on good ol’ southern pandering, with Stephen speaking in a southern accent (why is that so strange, he is, after all southern) for several minutes. We also were treated to the return of Cheating Death, which exposed us to the holistic benefits of bacon (in various orifices), and new exciting advances in male contraception that may stop your sperm – but also swell your ears. The rhythm’s gonna getcha!

I thought both guests, Dave “Mudcat” Saunders, and Katherine Boo were interesting and well chosen for their respective topics. Ms. Boo wasn’t the warmest guest we’ve had, but she held her own with Stephen fairly well – we have to remember, not everyone is as well-matched for his in-your-face style. I often imagine how intimidating it must be for guests on TCR, particularly those who are not as familiar with the show as we are.

What did you think about the episode? Do share your thoughts in the comments.

Daylight Savings Socialism

"I refuse to bow to the Chrono-Nazis and their Daylight Savings Time. No Washington-bureaucrat tells me how to adjust to the tilt of the earth's axis. This is just Barack Obama stealing an hour of my life, to redistribute it to poor people. "

Yeah, I clap when I am angry too.

I know they say you earn that hour back in the fall, but who’s earning the interest on that hour in the meantime? The unions, that’s who. How do they get those lunch breaks?

So I am not going to sit here and talk into this camera, I am going to sit here and talk into this camera.

Indecision 2012 – Republican’s Southern Strategy

Everybody knows I am a loyal son of the south. You can tell by my thick Southern accent and, of course, the parasol I carry to protect me from the noon day sun. Or else, I do declare, I would get a brain fever.

And I am delighted to say that we have three very handsome gentlemen-callers, along with that nice old man who keeps promising us gold.

How can I resist a Georgia peach like Newt Gingrich? He’s a southerner, born and raised, except for where he was born and raised.

"And Mitt Romney, also exists." (And processes carbon!)

And Mitt has just received the endorsement of the preeminent of southern culture, the heir of William Faulkner, Mr. Jeff Foxworthy. James?

Now if you’re a multi-millionaire entertainer, supporting the candidacy of a wealthy financier from Massachusetts, you might no longer be a redneck.

"Yes, strange things are happening to him, because becoming a southerner is a lot like puberty: your voice changes, and your testicles secede from the North."

But Newt Gingrich wasn’t going to take that grits comment lying down, although, from the looks of him, he has eaten grits lyin’ down.

Oh, Newt has thrown the chitlin’ down. But I am sure that Mitt will pick it up because he is not aware that chitlins are hog intestines.

Indecision 2012 – Dave “Mudcat” Saunders

Timeless Southern Pastime: Doin' a segment and packin' heat.

Mudcat: I always heard that South Carolina was too small to be a country, and too big to be a mental institution.

There is some truth to that.

What do southerners care about, how can [the candidates] reach them?

Mudcat: Fight, sing, drink, pray.

That sounds like a good party.

Where are my manners! Would you like a gun?

Mudcat: I love guns.

Can southerners tell when people are pandering to them in fake ways?

How did Nixon turn the South fully Republican?

Mudcat: I think the Southern strategy was smart, but what I think it really boiled down to was 1980, Lee Atwater. God, guns, and gays, is where it went.

In the South, we still love our God, we still love our guns, and being gay isn’t at the top of our list. There aren’t a lot of big prominent gay Republicans in the South, unless Newt’s got an announcement to make, which would shock all three of his wives.

When people are pandering to Southerners, are there things politicians shouldn’t do? (Rifle wobbles) Excuse me. Can you go too far in pandering to Southern people?

Mudcat: Without question, without question.

Mudcat: If [Romney} doesn’t win Florida, he can’ t beat Obama. If he can’t take Florida, you and I both know, if you’re looking for rednecks, by God the Riviera Hilton full of them.

Florida is the Mecca of rednecks. No offense to Mecca.

Stephen has demonstrated, it is possible to look pensive while holding a huge rifle.

Cheating Death – Bacon Cure for Nosebleeds and Brain Wave Sterility

NEW Cheating Death Intro: There's the queen, there's the girl. Where's the pretty lady? Oh, that's a two my friend... Oh!

A quick disclaimer: I am not a medical doctor, I am doctor of Fine Arts, which is why after I perform surgery, most people say, my five year old could have done that.

Prescott Pharamceuticals: Quality drugs since 1989. Established, 1910.

I read it for the hot oscicles on cochlea action.

"That's right, the hero once again, is life saving bacon. I assume the technique was discovered when someone was shoving bacon into every available hole. "

Yes, all of the best medical ideas come from the early 1900s. That’s why I treat my dropsy with “Dr. Arbuckle’s Suspension of Cocaine in Tincture of Cocaine.” Dr. Arbuckle’s: “Come for the cocaine, stay for the cocaine.” ™

Pitchman: "It's pure cured ham, so ladies, you'll feel as fresh as a spring day behind a deli counter. And it's so comfortable, whether you are running, hiking, or fleeing a pack of dogs. "

Besides, if you want to avoid getting pregnant there is only one surefire way: be a man. (Crosses fingers.) I haven’ gotten my period in a while.

Contraceptives for rats, really? What happened to rat abstinence education? You can have a perfectly good time by stopping at rat third base: wallowing in feces.

Junk canceling headphones, then you are ready to rock out with your c@&k out.

Rock out! My favorite: "Papa's Got A Brand New Bag…but It's Empty."

Side effects include Norweigan Wood, Chubiwumbas, and Scrotal Eclipse of the Heart.


What’s an undercity?

Katherine Boo: It’s a place that’s increasingly hard to see these days, and low income communities, like the slums of Mumbai, like many neighborhoods in our country-

Why don’t we see them?

KB: Because you’re in your gated community.

I am in my gated community.

KB: You’ve got your tinted windows.

I wear sunglasses that have mirrors on the inside.

When you spend three years living with people who by our standards are abjectly poor, what does America look like to you when you come back?

KB: It looks incredibly fixable-

America’s fixable?

KB: Yeah! And also, you turn on the tap, and you go, ‘Oh my God, potable water. That’s amazing.’ Yeah. I come back here and I think, if we were really serious about fixing poverty, we could do so in, like, half a second.

KB: [Indian society] is a society in which corruption takes so much opportunity from the poor, that in itself it becomes one of the opportunities that remain.

KB: I think this is incredibly cool work to do, because I get to spend time with people who are doing interesting things, and people whom I find inspiring on so many levels.

Sign Off

That's it for the Report everybody, Good Night!

Thanks to Kris for her help in assembling some content for this guide.

  • Cosmo

    This is amazing so far! A great first segment (and an accent!) and a Cheating Death. 😀 I’ve counted at least four or five breaks. :) I love Cheating Death. I’ll never look at bacon the same way again…

  • lockhart43

    I almost had a fangirl heart attack at the beginning of the episode. Stephen’s going to do a Southern accent, for such a large part of the first segment, in that suit? With the French cuffs? And the hair all wonderful? I’m pretty sure I whimpered out of excitement. More than once.

    *sigh* Anyway. And there were multiple character breaks to boot! Cheating Death was really funny, always a favorite. I cracked up at the sight of those Hampax, as well as the line before it of “Dr. Arbuckle’s: Come for the cocaine, stay for the cocaine.” Ha!

  • karenatasha

    CN Helper, I have a request: screen shot of that last image of Stephen sitting on his desk? Please?

    A fine show, particularly his overview of the Southern political landscape–complete with accent. Y’all, I just can’t figure out what Mitt Romney’s doing. Is he trying to commit political suicide? Could anyone really be that tone-deaf? Jon did a fabulous job on Mitt, too, so between both of them, Romney and Jeff Foxworthy are both mincemeat.

    I thought the interview with Katherine Boo was great, although she did seem nervous. Stephen asked some wonderful questions, in many cases serious ones. In my opinion, the week has begun well.

    • AgentNutmeg

      x2, that sign off is one of my very favorites I can recall. Screencap would be wonderful.

  • John Strasser

    March 12 I think this might be the funniest cheating death segment Mr. Colbert has ever done. I’m still laughing!

  • Kris

    I do declare! Stephen has decided to make “Southern Dandy” a part of his repertoire after all. I certainly hope a fine, upstanding gentleman such as hisself wouldn’t tease all of us ladies by giving such a long monologue with that accent only to hide it away again…

    Hampax. Need I say more?

    I actually thought Ms. Boo was relaxed and confident during the interview. In fact, she seemed as though she was so comfortable in her skin that she didn’t feel the need to respond to Stephen’s silliness. If she had something to say in response to him she did, if not she laughed it off and waited for him to move on. She did seem like a quiet person to me though. More of a listener.

    Small yellow umbrella, $7. Stephen holding a pretty parasol, priceless!

  • colbaby

    Grits grits grits. Is that all anyone thinks of when they think of the South? Born and raised in TN and I’ve never had grits in my life. I’m not even entirely sure what they are. Something to do with corn I gather. Then again I also don’t fight, sing, drink (rarely), or pray. So I guess I’m just doing it all wrong.

    Ah, it had been too long since we had a Cheating Death. Anyone else have “Scrotal Eclipse of the Heart” stuck in their head?

    • Mr. Arkadin

      “Grits grits grits. Is that all anyone thinks of when they think of the South?”

      Absolutely not! The first thing I think of is the Ku Klux Klan. No need to thank me, colbaby. I’ve always got your back! Just like Obama and Israel. 😀

      And for the record. I’ve had grits (Twice!) while I was in the South (Sorry, colbaby.) and I’m not entirely sure what they are either.

      • Karenatasha

        Oh, lord–let the amusement begin!
        I’m laughing hard.

        Grits: coarse corn flour boiled into a porridge and then flavored with butter, gravy, etc. Actually very tasty.

      • somuch2kno

        The first time I ever had grits I was on a road trip from NY to FL. One of my favorite things to do on the road is eat at local diners. So once we were south of the M/D, in North Carolina, I believe, I ordered grits with breakfast. I had a general idea what it was, but I asked the waitress anyway, just for clarity. Her response was, “Grits is…. grits.” When I wasn’t particularly satisfied with that she said she’s ask the cook. To top off the experience, she came back to the table to say that the cook didn’t know either, “… he just pours it out of a box.” Though the explanation was amusingly vague, the taste was particular, uh, tasty.

        By the way, I’m still waiting for Stephen and Obama to have their grits-off! (Can you believe how long ago THAT gauntlet was thrown down?!)

        • somuch2kno

          I can’t seem to edit this comment, but I meant to add that the grit-off challenge provided one of my all-time favorite character breaks, including, I believe, both a prop malfunction AND cussing.

          • karenatasha

            And whoops: I should have said “corn meal,” not flour. I can’t edit, either, on this particular computer.

          • colbaby

            The infamous hand caught in the mouse trap incident. One of the all-time great character breaks. For everyone’s viewing pleasure:

            • somuch2kno

              Ah, colbaby, you make a person’s day so fine! The memory of this clip gives me a warm glow, but the actuality of watching it again has me gleefully charged up and ready to take on the day. Thanks, y’all!

          • anais0509

            I LOVE the Grit-Off clip! I remember seeing that part (when he hurts his hand and swears) in a fan video on YouTube during my early fangirlhood and I spent hours frantically trying to find that clip on I was about to give up when I remembered the tags and thought, “Maybe it’s under the ‘cracks up’ tag?”, so I checked and lo and behold, I finally found it, and the Anais rejoiced.

      • colbaby

        “No need to thank me, colbaby.”

        Oh don’t worry. I would never dream of it. 😀 Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some sheets to fold.

        (Too soon?)

    • lockhart43

      While I had heard of them before, my entire knowledge of grits comes from “Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives.” I don’t think I’d have a problem with the texture, but I’m not positive that I would like them. I just know that Guy Fieri gets particularly excited whenever he’s at a restaurant that does Southern food on the off-chance that they’ll make grits.

      Also, thanks for mentioning “Scrotal Eclipse of the Heart.” That is easily one of the funniest side-effects they’ve ever had. I feel like they’ve used “Norwegian Wood” before, though. It’s still funny.

    • Ann G

      I can’t believe we have half a thread here devoted to the question of grits. It’s like polenta, people. Cornmeal cooked in some liquid (water or soup stock or even cream) until it’s nice and creamy. Tastes best with a little cheese added, IMO.

      (Colbaby and Mr. Arkadin: you guys crack me up…)

  • Ann G.

    “Mitt Romney also exists.” I’m not sure why, but that made me laugh pretty hard. Loved the Southern accent during the first segment. I hope that means we’ll get to see the “Charleston dandy” more often.

    When I saw that news story about using salt pork to stop nosebleeds, I knew he had to do something with that. Thanks for not letting me down, Stephen and writers! I heart Cheating Death. It’s always good for at least one character break.

    I actually thought the interview was a little disappointing. She didn’t seem to want to talk about her subject in too much depth.

    Just for the record: I like cheesy grits. And I’ve never lived in the South.

  • shellichelle

    I love Cheating Death! It just may be my favorite segment–which is why I know I have seen that intro before. It is not new, but rarely used-first introduced after the switch to HD a few years ago. I love watching Stephen running away from Death! :) And, ooh, that southern accent. He just slips in and out of it seemlessly…

  • Caroline

    Loved all the episode except for the interview. I though the guest was either nervous, trying too hard to be cool, or figured she couldn’t answer the serious questions properly within the short time she had. I found her frustrating because she obviously is very bright and probably had a lot to say. But it seemed like when Stephen asked her serious questions she didn’t do a great job of answering them. Still want to read her book, though.

    I always am happy to see a “Cheating Death” segment and this one was great. I also enjoyed Stephen being the “Charleston Dandy” again. Hope that will be a recurring character.

  • Mr. Arkadin

    I liked Stephen nailing Obama for stealing an hour of our lives to give to the poor. That socialist, fascist b@stard!

    As far as the interview goes. I desperately wanted Stephen to lunged across the table and get Boo’s hair out of her face! And maybe while doing that saying “peek-a-Boo! I see you!” and then letting it go and saying, “Oh, no where did you go!” He could have kept that up until she fell asleep! It would have been great!

    Hey! Didn’t anyone else notice “Mudcat” Sanders using “my” insane asylum saying about SC? I’ve used it a couple of times here at the Hub. Remember? *Universal blank stares* Never mind.

  • anais0509

    Stephen talking in a rich Southern accent for almost 10 minutes…somebody fetch me the smellin’ salts! Ah’m havin’ the vapors again! *fans self frantically yet delicately while looking for a hanky*

    I was SO happy to see a Cheating Death. It’s been too long. And we got a series of character breaks to boot (plus the couple or so during the Southern segment)!

    I thought that Boo was either a little nervous or just a quiet person during the interview. Although maybe her rheumatoid arthritis was acting up so she couldn’t really concentrate on what Stephen was saying. But I think that she still held her own and gave an interesting account on what she found for her book.

    Day 1: Success (as usual). Bring on Day 2!