February 21, 2012 — Robert Kagan

The Colbert Report Episode GuideEPISODE NUMBER: 8059 (February 21, 2012)
GUESTS: Robert Kagan
SEGMENTS: Douchebag Showdown | Colbert Super PAC – Nancy Pelosi’s Ad & Barack Obama’s Super PAC | Current Events – Ultimate Taser Ball | Sign Off – Dark Lord of the Sith
SUIT REPORT: Dark suit | White shirt | Navy/white/purple tie
VIDEOS: Tuesday, February 21, 2012


$500 Grey Goose Vodka

Now for those of you unfamiliar with the New York club scene, let a 'playa' explain to you, how a bottle of Vodka you get in the store for $35 can cost $500. You see, if they bring it to your table and it costs $500.

Colbert SuperPAC June 2011

I have owned this story, since last June when I formed Colbert SuperPAC, with one simple yet noble goal, to raise massive amounts of money. And I did it.

Bell Bottom Crotch

It's no surprise folks. I have always been a trend setter, ever since I single-handedly popularised the 'Bell Bottom Crotch'. Let's them drop, let's them drop. Keeps them warm, when they're swingin'.

Stephen Colbert kittens

Really? Would someone who doesn't like kittens, have one in each hand?

Stephen Colbert kittens

And these are no mere props purchased right before the show. These are my beloved pets, Whiskers and, and other Whiskers. I love these two little kittens and I will continue to do so until the moment they become cats.

Obama Super PAC reversal

He's right. It's not enough to say the other guy is a bum. You have to destroy your opponent, with a mountain of ads depicting him as a shady drifter, riding the rails, burning the constitution in trash fires for warmth, and leaving in his wake a trail of dead prostitutes. That costs serious money.

Obama Super PAC reversal

In light of Mr. Obama's reversal on Super PACs. I have just one thing to say ...

Darth Bama

Arrr, welcome young Pac Walker. Feel the power of the green side. Embrace your destiny, join me and together we will rule the galaxy. For 4 years, after that, it'll be someone else, maybe Hilary. But in the mean time, the galaxy!! You are now 'Darth Bama'!!

Ultimate Taser Ball

Yes, Ultimate Taser Ball has done the unimaginable. They have made soccer interesting.

Ultimate Taser Ball

The obstacle of the game is to put a giant over-sized soccer ball into the other teams net without being tased. To determine the final score, you take the number of goals minus the number of tongues bitten off. Then afterwards, everyone hits the showers with a toaster.

Robert Kagan on The Colbert Report

  • Kris

    As someone who studies our “justice” system, I always have a particular interest in Stephen’s Current Events. I was shocked when the segment was largely about this crazy new Taser game (albeit not as shocked as those playing it). What on earth? I believe I have once again underestimated human beings capacity to engage in group stupidity. Silly me.

  • CN Helper

    I do love the “Current Events.” There is a lot of stupid sport out there (isn’t there like a housewife carrying competition or something?), but one that delivers constant electrical shocks to your nervous system and heart – well, the word “stupid” has already been bandied about.

    Love the kittens. When he kissed them, and put them down, I thought to myself, “those would make a killing on ebay.” Colbert-kissed kittens!

  • Mr Arkadin

    This was a great show. I’m amazed at how quickly he’s been able to get back in the swing of things. Stephen and the rest of the staff have nothing but my love and admiration.

    Watching that kid (I’ll call him Butthead.) taser his Beavis, made me wonder why women EVER agree to breed at all.!? We’re hopeless! Save yourselves and head for the hills!

    I also enjoyed the Pelosi/Obama Super Pac bit. Stephen as Emperor Bloomberg…Er… I mean Emperor Palpatine and Obama as that freaky looking guy who was supposed to be the new, cool Boba Fett, but nobody remembers his name because those movies sucked, was really great too!

    • colbaby

      “Watching that kid (I’ll call him Butthead.) taser his Beavis, made me wonder why women EVER agree to breed at all.”

      My first thought was ‘maybe the resulting infertility will prevent him passing on the stupid gene’. Then I realized I’m a terrible person.

      • Mr. Arkadin

        “My first thought was ‘maybe the resulting infertility will prevent him passing on the stupid gene’. Then I realized I’m a terrible person.”

        No. You’re not a terrible person. Just a cockeyed optimist.

      • lockhart43

        I love you guys. That is all. I’m still laughing.

      • karenatasha

        And Colbaby, and Colbaby! You made me laugh too! *Rushing too quickly to leave the office*

    • Karenatasha

      Ha! Thank you for making me laugh, Mr. Arkadin. This exchange was so much fun!

  • anais0509

    Did anyone else let out a shriek of delight when Stephen brought out the kitties like I did? When he kissed them, I just about died. And seriously? Tasering as a sport? What crazy things are people gonna think of next?

    Also I want to give much kudos to Jon for covering and ripping apart both that bigot Christie vetoing the approved NJ gay marriage bill (being an honourary New Jerseyian) and that horrible women’s health bill from Virginia. If I’m not careful my jaw’s gonna stay frozen from constantly clenching with disgust and anger at how some people think that they can just mess with other’s people’s rights with laws that suit their twisted beliefs. Lewis Black also did a good job talking about the media’s tendency to go into an overblown frenzy over something that should be treated respectfully (someone’s death, Stephen’s emergency etc). Both audiences at TCR and TDS were a very boo-y bunch that night, not surprising with the type of topics covered.

    • Karenatasha

      Oh, yeah. Kitties and Stephen. Always a win-win.

      And as I said to Colbaby, I LOVED Jon’s one-two punch–and I want to marry Lewis Black. Okay, maybe not really. But really. I think he’s a genius.

      • Kris

        I know Ms. Pelosi was joking but how could anyone accuse a man who was photographed reading Cat Fancy at the Olympics of hating kittens?

  • Katt

    Not gonna lie. As a soccer lover, I don’t find the sport boring at all and I would still totally play Ulitmate Taser Ball. Though, I would research the health risks, I don’t trust that guy at all!!

    On a side note, I again hated his tie. Did they come from the same packet? Stop it with the crazy stripes already!!

    • CN Helper

      Boss, on this one I have to disagree. I like purple ties on Stephen in any pattern. He is definitely reinventing the boundaries on a horizontal stripe, though. I am sure Stephen would be pleased that after all the preparation he puts into show content, the viewers end up discussing his hair & ties.

  • Caroline

    Excellent show. My favorite bit was when Stephen turned into Emperor Palpatine. I really am disgusted that Obama caved on the SuperPAC issue. I’m glad Stephen found a way to make me laugh about it (as I was shaking my head).

  • Justin

    You know how the openings have all the words flying around and he puts a secret message in one as he is plummeting down with the flag? What does T. G. I. S. C. stand for? Something with South Carolina?

    • anais0509

      It’s a spoof of T.G.I.F (Thank God It’s Friday), only in this case it’s Thank God It’s Stephen Colbert, to which I say Amen.

  • Karenatasha

    @Katt

    Love soccer/football, too. I’m convinced he does it to drive Jon crazy!

    • Katt

      @Karenatasha

      I wonder if TDS rules both the soccer and the softball fields? I really wish they would tape some of their little staff competitions.

  • FanGirl 16

    that seemed like the only interesting part of the show was those kittens

  • lockhart43

    The funniest bit for me was when Stephen started singing, “I believe the children are our future,” during Current Events; that really cracked me up. Stephen had a nice interaction with the audience last night, too, from “Thank you, mindless mob” to “That was a little late” when they didn’t boo quick enough after the Pelosi ad. It’s so noticeable how joyful he is this week, and it’s wonderful.