January 10, 2012 — Bill Moyers

The Colbert Report Episode Guide EPISODE NUMBER: 8041 (January 10, 2012)
GUEST: Bill Moyers
SEGMENTS: New Hampshire Primary & Mitt Romney’s Gaffe | Tip/Wag – Irresponsible Dead People & Insensitive Papa John’s | Malice in Blunderland | Sign Off – Turntable
SUIT REPORT: Grey suit | White shirt | Black/white polka dot tie
VIDEOS: Tuesday, January 10, 2012




New Hampshire Primary

The 2012 Republican nominee will be Mitt Romney and Jon Huntsman stitched together in a human centidgeopede.

Mitt Romney fire service providers

I like being able to fire people who provide services to me. *rewind* Glad I brough my turn-table with me. Boy Romney really stuck his foot in his mouth with this one. Which is the spiciest thing he's eaten in years.

Newt Gingrich on a much younger healthier wife

Of course the media and other candidates have really jumped on Mitt. Like Newt Gingrich on a younger healthier wife.

Rick Santorum on health care

You can't argue with that logic, because you can't argue with that logic.

If you’re dying of cancer, it’s your own fault for not going to the doctor. And if you can’t go to the doctor because you don’t have insurance, then it’s your own fault for not having a job. And if you don’t have a job because you have cancer, get yourself to a doctor, what is wrong with you?

“If you’re dying of cancer, it’s your own fault for not going to the doctor. And if you can’t go to the doctor because you don’t have insurance, then it’s your own fault for not having a job. And if you don’t have a job because you have cancer, get yourself to a doctor, what is wrong with you?”

Lady Chinky Eyes Papa John's

Yes, she called her "chinky eyes", but "lady chinky eyes". That's a sign of respect in the orient. All 'Papa John's' was trying to do was make sure that the pizza got to the right customer. If they hadn't put "lady chinky eyes", it might have ended up in the hands of "countess total lesbo" or "admiral spic butt".

Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dooce

This party was so extravagant, that they managed to anger not one, but two Doocy's. Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dooce.

Translucent Fire Giant

Folks I have heard disturbing rumours that every year they hold a Pagan Druidic Tree Lighting Ceremony, and last year it was hosted by a translucent fire giant.

The Star Wars Holiday Special

No matter how much George Lucas wants us to forget 1978's "The Star Wars Holiday Special".

Bill Moyers on The Colbert Report

  • lockhart43

    “If you’re dying of cancer, it’s your own fault for not going to the doctor. And if you can’t go to the doctor because you don’t have insurance, then it’s your own fault for not having a job. And if you don’t have a job because you have cancer, get yourself to a doctor, what is wrong with you?”

    Words cannot properly express the brilliance of that statement, so I will merely express my complete and utter satisfaction upon hearing it. I actually did a fist pump of joy into the air. And kudos to the graphic department for continuing that spot-on graphic of Davey, er, Captain I-Hate-Homosexuals-And-Poor-People, er, Rick Santorum.

    Also, Stephen in a suit and tie scratching a record player is almost too adorkable to watch. Almost.

    • Mr. Arkadin

      “If you’re dying of cancer, it’s your own fault for not going to the doctor. And if you can’t go to the doctor because you don’t have insurance, then it’s your own fault for not having a job. And if you don’t have a job because you have cancer, get yourself to a doctor, what is wrong with you?”
      Words cannot properly express the brilliance of that statement, so I will merely express my complete and utter satisfaction upon hearing it. I actually did a fist pump of joy into the air. ”

      I loved this too! For some reason (maybe it’s profound stupidity) it reminds me of Jerri Blank’s “Think about it. I didn’t.” :)

      BTW Archer’s new season begins Jan. 19.

      • lockhart43

        I know, I’m excited for the new season! I’ve been watching the reruns FX has been showing to prepare myself, ha; they aired “El Secuestro” a few nights ago.

  • Ann G.

    STAR WARS NERD RANT. That was awesome. As was the interview. Actually the whole show was one of those excellent-from-start-to-finish gems.