EPISODE NUMBER: 8028 (December 1, 2011)
GUESTS: Richard Branson | Danny Goldberg | Jonathan Zittrain
SEGMENTS: In Herman Cain’s Defense | Stop Online Piracy Act | Stop Online Piracy Act – Danny Goldberg & Jonathan Zittrain | Mitt Romney Gets Testy
SUIT REPORT: Black pinstriped suit | Pale blue shirt | Purple and light blue striped tie
VIDEOS: Thursday, December 1, 2011
Tonight’s episode was a lot more than a water fight, but yet another epic battle between Sir Richard Branson and our Stephen Colbert.
As the Herman Cain Train slows to a stop, then veers of the Cliff of Reason into the Abyss of Abandoned Campaign Metaphors, we find ourselves focusing on the man who is likely to be the Republican nominee for president, Mitt Romney. Although plagued by criticism that he lacks charisma or genuineness, I am sure he was betting that Bret Baier would respect his safe laugh and allow him to skate through yet another media appearance. Thanks to team TCR for breaking down that interview for us (along with the GWB
lovefest interview for comparison), I would never even have noticed his Phil Ken Sebben-like laugh.
I also enjoyed the interview with Mr. Goldberg and Mr. Zittrain. I don’t quite understand why the “adversaries” have to be so far spaced out at the desk, but it is funny to watch Stephen bounce back and forth while trying to discern this truly horrible new law being proposed, the “Stop Online Piracy Act.” There are many efforts to stamp out free speech on the internet, and regulate the internet like most mainstream outlets, and I fear that this bill is one of those attempts. There must be a better way to protect intellectual property and copyrighted content, without rooting out all the groups of seventh grade girls jamming to “Single Ladies” and such. I hope “SOPA” stays just a Bill on Capitol Hill, and something much more laser targeted against true piracy criminals is drafted.
Finally, the epic brawl. It seems that Mr. Branson and Stephen have significantly warmed towards one another since Branson’s last visit, although Sir Richard was certainly willing to up the ante on this go-around. Stephen was equally prepared for him, but also surprised to be fire-extinguishered.
I guess one of the perks of being Colbert-platinum is that Stephen will let you spray him with a fire extinguisher, and even hug you afterwards. A little food for thought for
shadowy patron Friend of the Show Mark Cuban.
Ha ha! Comments. Please do comment away.
You know folks, I was tempted to fight against your love of me, but I know I would lose.
Now folks I know you have a lot of choices in late night, and we at the Report value your business. Thank you for joining us.
I am sad to say that my man, Herman Cain, is still deep in campaign reconsideration mode.
I don’t know why he would want drop out now, he hasn’t had a scandal in 36 hours.
He was probably just advising her on her stock portfolio at 4 in the morning, and he wanted to give her a “hot tip.” The “hot tip,” of course, is the most sensitive part of the portfolio.
From Arizona senator and Talbot’s cashier, Lori Klein….
This proves once and for all that Cain is not Sir Crotchfordstrokengrope.
I don’t want to brag, folks, but I am not unhandsome. I can barely concentrate when I shave in the morning. I mean, gun to my head, you bet.
That is a shocking number, especially when you consider that the FBI admits it has “no record of source data or methodology for generating the estimate, and that it can note be corroborated.”
That’s what happens when the FBI buys bootleg reports from a card table in Chinatown.
Sadly, piracy is just one of those crimes that everyone commits, like jaywalking or setting your ex-girlfriend’s couch on fire.
You know where you’re not going to be a single lady? In jail, with your cellmate, Denise, who’s locked up for bludgeoning a mailman to death with a bag of potted soil.
From Piracy Interview, Danny Goldberg, Jonathan Zittrain
Can we get some internet policeman, like those guys from Tron?
Why do you want artists to starve?
Jonathan Zittrain: I want artists to thrive. The internet allows artists to find their audience. when Justin Bieber started just singing his favorite songs on Youtube, he got discovered, thanks to the internet, and the odd thing is, under this law, could make him a felon, in jail for 3 years.
(To audience) Excuse me, excuse me. Clap after I nail him.
Are you saying that you do not want to see Justin Bieber in jail?
JZ: Not for this. No one wants to put Justin Bieber in jail.
No, some people do.
JZ: This law takes a page out of the play books of China and Iran for internet regulation.
Well I don’t know about Iran, but China is kicking our ass in business right now.
Won’t this be good for business, because if we shut down parts of the internet, won’t people actually do the work they were hired for?
JZ: The problem is they’re just going to play solitaire, so they are always going to find a way…
We have to come up with a law shutting down solitaire.
Danny Goldberg: iPods and iTunes are doing great, and everyone gets paid.
What if there were some even tradeoff for theft and retribution: like the artist was actually able to get something from the company that was stealing from them, an eye for an iPod.
Danny Goldberg: Well, it’s a good line, but…
It’s an excellent line, and if anyone steals it, that is a copy written line, and if you steal it, I will sue.
From Mitt Romney gets Testy
Brett Baier is a good friend, we wrestle together on weekends. C’mon Bret, did you not read the tape, I bet you just watched the tape it, you got to read it, man.
I was going to read the hell out of that thing.
You stop grilling Romney after he gives you the laugh. That’s his safe word.
Yes, testy. As in, with those questions, you, Bret Baier, you kicked him the teste.
Remember you work for Fox news, and he is a Republican candidate. A year from now, he may be your co-worker.
My guest tonight is a British entrepreneur and a billionaire. Yeah, but that’s in metric.
When you are just going to just name a book “Double Entendre for f*****”?
Richard Branson: If you haven’t patented that, I might try doing that.
Why try to shake up the game you are already winning?
Richard Branson: Business can be a force for good, basically.
For good? Business is a force for profit.
(Branson tauts the clean jet fuel technology he is developing.)
What about my plane?
RB: Your plane runs on dirty fuel.
That’s good, ‘cuz my lady likes it dirty.
RB: Capitalism is the only system that works, it brings extreme wealth, but also, extreme responsibility.
But why do you want to save the world? You have a space ship, you can leave at any time.
So the next book should be “Screw the World, I’m Outta Here.”